A Brighter View

I have to apologize for my last post. I was in a dark place and overwhelmed that morning and mostly just posted to try to vent my feelings and put them "on paper" hoping they would leave my head.

It worked though and I'm feeling much better. Much better. I decided that I need to refocus and not waste another moment feeling sorry for myself. I have so much to do, so much to teach my children, so much love I have to show my husband, so many mistakes to make up for!

I have decided that if my love were pure, like the pure love of Christ, I would only want what would make my husband happy - I would truly want what is best for my husband, for my children and I need to stop thinking about the future and pay more attention to the here and now.

I'm sure my resolve will wax and wane but for now I'm feeling pretty positive. There are people in my conidition with my dx who have survived 10+ yrs so that is what I'm shooting for!

I have so much support; my mom has been reassigned to Washington D.C. for a year so she is going to live with us for a whole year and take care of me and help us. Of course she needs to work but she can get sick leave etc for emergencies. My dad and stepmom are here right now helping us get our new house fixed up so we can move in next week. We've been in a hotel for nearly 2 months now and it is getting so old.

I have had so many emails from friends and loved ones, thank you all so much. You can't imagine what your notes mean to me. A special thanks to all my sisters in Frankfurt. We were only there for one year and I didn't have a chance to make friends. Part of that was just because I didn't participate much due to pain and feeling lousy and part was because I was homeschooling and didn't have much time. But you have all really come through for me - the members from our ward, sending me notes, praying for me, sending your love. I was just crying with appreciation this morning, so grateful for your prayers - you are such righteous women and I know the Lord hears you.

I went to church here yesterday and it is the same thing again - trying to fit into a new ward. But the Sacrament meeting was so wonderful, the spirit was strong and one of the families did a musical number that was so beautiful. It helped me so much, I felt my strength wiggling and stretching and trying to grow and I am so grateful -so grateful.

Also, my sisters in Vienna - I have felt your prayers too and read your notes and could almost feel your hugs and tears. You have embraced me with your words and love and it helps me get up in the morning and start the next day.

Family, friends, love, strength in trials...thats what its all about. I have the most wonderful family. I'm so blessed to have my grandparents still alive, to have extended family on Robert's side and on my side...my cousin, my nana, my aunt, my parents, siblings,even friends of my relatives whom I barely know (Myrna, Leslie, ) ....all praying for me, pulling for me, sending me love. It makes me ashamed of my last post. I know I'll never blow away as dust in the wind. You all make me real.