Max

Max is doing really well. He had a break down while we were on vacation and one when we got back. These break downs have been really destructive and he has to be put in a hold. He loses "points" which are an important part of his advancement and earning priviledges.

The last couple weeks he seems to have realized that he is hurting himself with these weird episodes and he has really buckled down and is earning his points everyday and is trying hard with the counselors etc.

We have been very blessed the last month or so to have met people who have also had to put their children in one of these Residential Treatment Facilities or RTFs. We have heard only good things like, "It was a hard year, but she came out of it with a positive attitude" or "Yes, we had a couple of rocky years afterwards but he is married and has a family and a good job" etc. These comments from people who've been here have done a lot to cheer and uplift me. It is hard being without one's child. I miss him. When I go to visit him it feels weird and unnatural. It is like "they" are his family now. It is just weird.

In so many ways, I can't wait till he comes home and in many ways I'm terrified of the time when he does. He will start to earn passes soon and he'll be able to go out with us for a few hours. We are hoping that by Nov, he will have earned enough for a 6 or 8 hr pass to come home for Thanksgiving and that he will be able to spend Christmas day with us. He is working really hard right now to get a pass for his birthday (Oct 26th) so that he'll be able to go out with us for the day. I hope and am praying he will be able to do it, if he doesn't I think it'll be a big set back emotionally for him.

We knew there would be dangers in putting him in a place where there are a lot of children with really bad problems. His language has gotten really bad (though he never swears in front of us, thankfully!). If he ever had a testimony of the Gospel, he doesn't anymore. In fact, he complained to his counselor that he doesn't believe in the things we believe in and that because of our beliefs we have unrealistic expectations of him. He has also picked up lots of lingo and language - it is almost like prison language. Maybe it is just institutional language, but he has been nothing but wonderful and polite whenever we visit him.

He is allowed to call twice a week and he does always call and doesn't want to hang up when we are talking. A couple of times he has called and started crying (once when we were on vacation) and begging to come home. Telling me that it is worse than the orphange there and that he is only learning bad things because the kids are so bad and try to solve their problems through fist fights etc. These calls are heart wrenching and sometimes I do just feel like driving up there and yanking him out. I know it would be a mistake though. In fact, the more they work with him there, the more they discover that his problems are even deeper and more complex then we originally thought.

Sometimes I could just scream, knowing that for the most part, uncaring and uneducated adults did this to him. For the most part, it isn't his fault. But, when I calm down, I know that he chose us as much as we chose him. We are his parents - that is eternal - and we are the ones to give him love, a home, and to teach and raise him up to be a good citizen, to be useful and helpful and to treat others with respect. It is a big job, but we are up for it - we know it.