Tuesday, October 14, 2008
Sunday, September 21, 2008
Max
Max is doing really well. He had a break down while we were on vacation and one when we got back. These break downs have been really destructive and he has to be put in a hold. He loses "points" which are an important part of his advancement and earning priviledges.
The last couple weeks he seems to have realized that he is hurting himself with these weird episodes and he has really buckled down and is earning his points everyday and is trying hard with the counselors etc.
We have been very blessed the last month or so to have met people who have also had to put their children in one of these Residential Treatment Facilities or RTFs. We have heard only good things like, "It was a hard year, but she came out of it with a positive attitude" or "Yes, we had a couple of rocky years afterwards but he is married and has a family and a good job" etc. These comments from people who've been here have done a lot to cheer and uplift me. It is hard being without one's child. I miss him. When I go to visit him it feels weird and unnatural. It is like "they" are his family now. It is just weird.
In so many ways, I can't wait till he comes home and in many ways I'm terrified of the time when he does. He will start to earn passes soon and he'll be able to go out with us for a few hours. We are hoping that by Nov, he will have earned enough for a 6 or 8 hr pass to come home for Thanksgiving and that he will be able to spend Christmas day with us. He is working really hard right now to get a pass for his birthday (Oct 26th) so that he'll be able to go out with us for the day. I hope and am praying he will be able to do it, if he doesn't I think it'll be a big set back emotionally for him.
We knew there would be dangers in putting him in a place where there are a lot of children with really bad problems. His language has gotten really bad (though he never swears in front of us, thankfully!). If he ever had a testimony of the Gospel, he doesn't anymore. In fact, he complained to his counselor that he doesn't believe in the things we believe in and that because of our beliefs we have unrealistic expectations of him. He has also picked up lots of lingo and language - it is almost like prison language. Maybe it is just institutional language, but he has been nothing but wonderful and polite whenever we visit him.
He is allowed to call twice a week and he does always call and doesn't want to hang up when we are talking. A couple of times he has called and started crying (once when we were on vacation) and begging to come home. Telling me that it is worse than the orphange there and that he is only learning bad things because the kids are so bad and try to solve their problems through fist fights etc. These calls are heart wrenching and sometimes I do just feel like driving up there and yanking him out. I know it would be a mistake though. In fact, the more they work with him there, the more they discover that his problems are even deeper and more complex then we originally thought.
Sometimes I could just scream, knowing that for the most part, uncaring and uneducated adults did this to him. For the most part, it isn't his fault. But, when I calm down, I know that he chose us as much as we chose him. We are his parents - that is eternal - and we are the ones to give him love, a home, and to teach and raise him up to be a good citizen, to be useful and helpful and to treat others with respect. It is a big job, but we are up for it - we know it.
The last couple weeks he seems to have realized that he is hurting himself with these weird episodes and he has really buckled down and is earning his points everyday and is trying hard with the counselors etc.
We have been very blessed the last month or so to have met people who have also had to put their children in one of these Residential Treatment Facilities or RTFs. We have heard only good things like, "It was a hard year, but she came out of it with a positive attitude" or "Yes, we had a couple of rocky years afterwards but he is married and has a family and a good job" etc. These comments from people who've been here have done a lot to cheer and uplift me. It is hard being without one's child. I miss him. When I go to visit him it feels weird and unnatural. It is like "they" are his family now. It is just weird.
In so many ways, I can't wait till he comes home and in many ways I'm terrified of the time when he does. He will start to earn passes soon and he'll be able to go out with us for a few hours. We are hoping that by Nov, he will have earned enough for a 6 or 8 hr pass to come home for Thanksgiving and that he will be able to spend Christmas day with us. He is working really hard right now to get a pass for his birthday (Oct 26th) so that he'll be able to go out with us for the day. I hope and am praying he will be able to do it, if he doesn't I think it'll be a big set back emotionally for him.
We knew there would be dangers in putting him in a place where there are a lot of children with really bad problems. His language has gotten really bad (though he never swears in front of us, thankfully!). If he ever had a testimony of the Gospel, he doesn't anymore. In fact, he complained to his counselor that he doesn't believe in the things we believe in and that because of our beliefs we have unrealistic expectations of him. He has also picked up lots of lingo and language - it is almost like prison language. Maybe it is just institutional language, but he has been nothing but wonderful and polite whenever we visit him.
He is allowed to call twice a week and he does always call and doesn't want to hang up when we are talking. A couple of times he has called and started crying (once when we were on vacation) and begging to come home. Telling me that it is worse than the orphange there and that he is only learning bad things because the kids are so bad and try to solve their problems through fist fights etc. These calls are heart wrenching and sometimes I do just feel like driving up there and yanking him out. I know it would be a mistake though. In fact, the more they work with him there, the more they discover that his problems are even deeper and more complex then we originally thought.
Sometimes I could just scream, knowing that for the most part, uncaring and uneducated adults did this to him. For the most part, it isn't his fault. But, when I calm down, I know that he chose us as much as we chose him. We are his parents - that is eternal - and we are the ones to give him love, a home, and to teach and raise him up to be a good citizen, to be useful and helpful and to treat others with respect. It is a big job, but we are up for it - we know it.
Saturday, September 20, 2008
Vacation
This was such a big deal. We could have never done this without 1) enough frequent flyers for everyone 2) the generousity of family who let us stay with them and 2 special family members who paid for us to stay in a hotel while in No. CA 3) The generosity of a sister/in-law who let us use her car the whole time we were in UT 4) The generosity of family who paid our entrance fee to many places, fed us, and did lots of things to relieve the financial pressure 5)The Walk-A - Thon my friends in Vienna held for me. The money really wasn't for us to take a vacation. It was for medical costs etc., but this trip went to my health and well-being and we did save a portion of those funds raised for us, to use for our trip. How can I thank all those people for helping us so much?? 6)A credit card ( I know that doesn't count as 'free', but sometimes 'deferment' is great too! Despite all of the help we had, we still ended up adding a big chunk to our CC, but there are times in life when we have to do important things and deal with the financial consequences later. I have no doubt this was one of those times.
Why was this trip so important? There are so many reasons on so many levels for me, but one of the things deep in my heart, was a desire for my children to see and be reminded of how much family they have, of how many people love them and are there for them and pray for them. Part of this was introducing them to my brother whom Alexander hasn't seen since he was 2. I haven't seen him since then either - 12 yrs! My brother now has two little girls - more Rosie's age, but the boys had a blast with them too and it was just such an enjoyable visit. I got to renew, reminice etc with my brother and his wife and I also got to know their children a little bit. It was important for the boys too - especially Alexander to get to know their Uncle. Up till now they've only had Uncles on Robert's side.
We also got to visit my other brother - stepbrother technically - in Las Vegas. I haven't seen him in 12 years either. He and his wife and 2 children (more the boys' ages) have just lived too far away whenever I come home to visit and it was so good to spend time with them and try to catch up on 12 years of comings and goings.
We got to see all our family except for one cousin on my side and two sisters on Roberts side (they are in other states). We saw children, grandchildren, parents, grandmas and grandpas, aunts, uncles, cousins, nieces, nephews etc and we even got to visit friends. (I'm just talking about my family and Robert's immediate family here - if we visited all of Robert's uncles and aunts and cousins it would take years!)
We had a little reunion with 3 of the families we traveled to China with. It was so fun to see their girls and how much they had changed in the year and a half since we got back with Rosie. Rosie was actually the most babyish of the group, with the other girls speaking quite a bit more than she does and she was the only one in diapers, but she is the youngest so we aren't too worried. It was great to get together with these families - we actually grew kind of close to them during those couple weeks in China-- maybe because it was such an exciting and emotional journy and we really shared our thoughts during that brief time, it was just wonderful to re-connect with them and see how they've grown by having these little Chinese princesses changing their lives.
We had a little downtime to swim in the pool in our hotel in St. George and my cousin met us there with her two daughters and that was a blast too - just hanging out in the pool and talking. In a way, I wish we could have done that everyday with everyone we visited, but it was just impossible. We needed to see everyone -- I had an almost compulsion or force driving me before we left and telling me that we needed to visit everyone. In retrospect, I feel part of this was my need to say "good-bye" to everyone. Before we left, I just knew I'd never be back West again. I knew that for most of those people, I'd never see them again. Afterall, the doctors only give me less than another year to live and that is what the statistics say too. After we'd leave each person or family, I'd feel an almost depression drape over me as I mentally said my final good-byes to them.
I don't want it to sound like I was depressed for the whole trip because I certainly wasn't. I had a great time. I was healthy and energetic every single day. I felt good and looked forward to each person we visited. It was just something I'd go through at every good-bye or even when we left Utah, it felt as if my heart were breaking - knowing I'd never be back, never see those mountains again or hug those people again. When we left California, my grandma and Ken came to say good-bye in the morning before we left for the airport. I lost it and just couldn't stop crying. I couldn't imagine never seeing them again. I couldn't imagine never being in my home town again. There are a lot of people I love in CA and that is where my roots are. It was really hard to leave with that feeling that it was my last visit.
I have to say that since we've arrived back in VA, I've had a 100% turn around. I've realized that I've focused too much on dying and just not enough on living. To be fair to myself (and Heaven knows I always want to be fair to myself) part of that was just being so sick and sleeping so much, of course, I'm going to focus on dying...it is hard to be positive when I'm vomitting all over the place. I am now trying to focus on being energetic, healing myself, even doing visualization - like envisioning the chemo knocking out those cancer cells. Living and focusing on life. I know I'll be back. Utah, California, who knows maybe even some other states out west. I do miss the west so much, the weather, the people, the lifestyle, our families. But, I now KNOW that I'll be back. I'm feeling better every day. The Reliv is helping, your prayers are helping, my family's love is helping, my friends are helping, my husband is always helping (o.k., technically he is family, but he deserves another mention), The Lord is always here for me.
It is complicated to explain probably because it is complicated to understand. So many people have this awful disease. So many die from it. Some do live though. Some live. Some live and even conquer cancer. Surely the Lord loves each one of His children equally, right? I guess that is how my ideas have kind of evolved to what I explained in my last post. The Lord Helps Those Who Help Themselves. I have decided that that is my job, my responsibility - to give thanks, to live life to the fullest, to enjoy, to serve and to show my gratitude, to take care of the temple He has given me. I must confess that after I had Breast Cancer the first time, I went right back to my evil ways - eating that which was not good for me, not exercizing enough, beyond that though -- inviting too much stress into my life, stressing over things that didn't need that level of my concern and attention, biting off more than I could chew, running faster than I could manage. Doing all the things that many of us do, but which we all know we shouldn't be doing. I'm not going to do it this time. Sure, I'm still going to have the occasional piece of cheesecake - otherwise I'd be violating the law about enjoying life, right?
Back to our vacation -- it was marvelous. The boys had a great time and Rosie had so much fun meeting all her cousins and getting to play with children everywhere we went. What could be better. Of course, it was sad that Max wasn't there, but I was at peace with the decisions we'd made and that he was in the place he needs to be so that next time we go out West, he can be with us and it can be a positive experience for him and for all of us too.
Why was this trip so important? There are so many reasons on so many levels for me, but one of the things deep in my heart, was a desire for my children to see and be reminded of how much family they have, of how many people love them and are there for them and pray for them. Part of this was introducing them to my brother whom Alexander hasn't seen since he was 2. I haven't seen him since then either - 12 yrs! My brother now has two little girls - more Rosie's age, but the boys had a blast with them too and it was just such an enjoyable visit. I got to renew, reminice etc with my brother and his wife and I also got to know their children a little bit. It was important for the boys too - especially Alexander to get to know their Uncle. Up till now they've only had Uncles on Robert's side.
We also got to visit my other brother - stepbrother technically - in Las Vegas. I haven't seen him in 12 years either. He and his wife and 2 children (more the boys' ages) have just lived too far away whenever I come home to visit and it was so good to spend time with them and try to catch up on 12 years of comings and goings.
We got to see all our family except for one cousin on my side and two sisters on Roberts side (they are in other states). We saw children, grandchildren, parents, grandmas and grandpas, aunts, uncles, cousins, nieces, nephews etc and we even got to visit friends. (I'm just talking about my family and Robert's immediate family here - if we visited all of Robert's uncles and aunts and cousins it would take years!)
We had a little reunion with 3 of the families we traveled to China with. It was so fun to see their girls and how much they had changed in the year and a half since we got back with Rosie. Rosie was actually the most babyish of the group, with the other girls speaking quite a bit more than she does and she was the only one in diapers, but she is the youngest so we aren't too worried. It was great to get together with these families - we actually grew kind of close to them during those couple weeks in China-- maybe because it was such an exciting and emotional journy and we really shared our thoughts during that brief time, it was just wonderful to re-connect with them and see how they've grown by having these little Chinese princesses changing their lives.
We had a little downtime to swim in the pool in our hotel in St. George and my cousin met us there with her two daughters and that was a blast too - just hanging out in the pool and talking. In a way, I wish we could have done that everyday with everyone we visited, but it was just impossible. We needed to see everyone -- I had an almost compulsion or force driving me before we left and telling me that we needed to visit everyone. In retrospect, I feel part of this was my need to say "good-bye" to everyone. Before we left, I just knew I'd never be back West again. I knew that for most of those people, I'd never see them again. Afterall, the doctors only give me less than another year to live and that is what the statistics say too. After we'd leave each person or family, I'd feel an almost depression drape over me as I mentally said my final good-byes to them.
I don't want it to sound like I was depressed for the whole trip because I certainly wasn't. I had a great time. I was healthy and energetic every single day. I felt good and looked forward to each person we visited. It was just something I'd go through at every good-bye or even when we left Utah, it felt as if my heart were breaking - knowing I'd never be back, never see those mountains again or hug those people again. When we left California, my grandma and Ken came to say good-bye in the morning before we left for the airport. I lost it and just couldn't stop crying. I couldn't imagine never seeing them again. I couldn't imagine never being in my home town again. There are a lot of people I love in CA and that is where my roots are. It was really hard to leave with that feeling that it was my last visit.
I have to say that since we've arrived back in VA, I've had a 100% turn around. I've realized that I've focused too much on dying and just not enough on living. To be fair to myself (and Heaven knows I always want to be fair to myself) part of that was just being so sick and sleeping so much, of course, I'm going to focus on dying...it is hard to be positive when I'm vomitting all over the place. I am now trying to focus on being energetic, healing myself, even doing visualization - like envisioning the chemo knocking out those cancer cells. Living and focusing on life. I know I'll be back. Utah, California, who knows maybe even some other states out west. I do miss the west so much, the weather, the people, the lifestyle, our families. But, I now KNOW that I'll be back. I'm feeling better every day. The Reliv is helping, your prayers are helping, my family's love is helping, my friends are helping, my husband is always helping (o.k., technically he is family, but he deserves another mention), The Lord is always here for me.
It is complicated to explain probably because it is complicated to understand. So many people have this awful disease. So many die from it. Some do live though. Some live. Some live and even conquer cancer. Surely the Lord loves each one of His children equally, right? I guess that is how my ideas have kind of evolved to what I explained in my last post. The Lord Helps Those Who Help Themselves. I have decided that that is my job, my responsibility - to give thanks, to live life to the fullest, to enjoy, to serve and to show my gratitude, to take care of the temple He has given me. I must confess that after I had Breast Cancer the first time, I went right back to my evil ways - eating that which was not good for me, not exercizing enough, beyond that though -- inviting too much stress into my life, stressing over things that didn't need that level of my concern and attention, biting off more than I could chew, running faster than I could manage. Doing all the things that many of us do, but which we all know we shouldn't be doing. I'm not going to do it this time. Sure, I'm still going to have the occasional piece of cheesecake - otherwise I'd be violating the law about enjoying life, right?
Back to our vacation -- it was marvelous. The boys had a great time and Rosie had so much fun meeting all her cousins and getting to play with children everywhere we went. What could be better. Of course, it was sad that Max wasn't there, but I was at peace with the decisions we'd made and that he was in the place he needs to be so that next time we go out West, he can be with us and it can be a positive experience for him and for all of us too.
I'm Back...
It is with great trepidation that I pulled up our Blog today. My, it has been so long since I've updated or visited here, I'm a little afraid of all the info I need to plug in. I've started to get complaints from friends, so I'll do my best to let everyone know what is going on with the Baxters these days.
Our vacation was wonderful. It was no less than fantastic. Somehow I was healthy and felt good for the whole 2 weeks. I must say I attribute this first to the Lord; He knew how important this trip was to me - it was so much more than a vacation and I definitely must say that I felt His uplifting hand many times when I started to feel tired or my tummy started to feel "chemo-y".
Secondly, I attribute my good health and overall well being to my new nutrition regime. About a week before we left for vacation, I started on a product called "re-liv" (which for me was quite aptly named). They are nutrition shakes which I am trying to drink several times per day to flood my body with vitamins and minerals. Sometimes I only get one in per day, but I'm shooting for 2-3 per day to really beef up my immune system - well, to try to get it healthy and maybe get to the point of beefing it up. I am a bit stunned at how much this product is helping me. I recovered from chemo much quicker than usual this time and actually skipped some of the worst steps altogether. I will talk about this more later. I think I'm going to start a health link so I can keep track of my tumor markers etc better, so I will document there if reliv is really helping me or if I'm just experiencing a placebo effect - either way, I'm happy.
Truthfully, I believe it is a combination of the nutrients etc and the Lord. I believe in Miracles - no doubt about it, they are happening everyday. My thought though, is that the Lord prefers to use our environment to create His miracles. He could, of course, just heal me now, zap all the tumors, get rid of the nasty cancer cells, etc. He does do this sometimes, but I've found that He likes us to try all we can ourselves and then He likes to use those tools we give Him from our own trials and attempts to help ourselves.
For example, I've been reading a lot about people who have survived Cancer. When I was in CA, a friend of my dad's gave me these great books by Greg Anderson. He was diagnosed with metasticized lung cancer in 1984 and given 30 days to live. He sunk into a depression and prepared to die and as he was slowly dying he decided he didn't want to die. He began to seek out survivors to see what they had done. It is a great book and he is still alive today. His basic message is; decide to live, cancer is a message to make a change in your life - heed the message and make the changes. Be positive, be spiritual, love yourself and your neighbors, eat better, exercize more, take nutritional supplements and drink more water (he says all cancer patients are dehydrated) do all the conventional things that conventional medicine advises - but be sure you believe in your doctors and in the regime they recommend for you. Once you have a plan - believe in it and everyday make the most of your life - be positive, be cheerful, laugh, love, forgive and stay very close to God.
It is nothing earth shaking or new, but by 1989 he was cancer-free and has been ever since. Wow. I can do that and I've been trying my best. There is more to it, of course, but in reading the books and starting to practice these things, I give the Lord tools to heal me. Does that make sense? In taking the shakes and flooding my body with nutrients, I'm giving the Lord tools to naturally heal and repair my immune system to fight off the cancer. I'm not saying the Lord needs these tools - I'm saying, I think He likes them. I think He wants me to work hard to repair myself - to show Him that I want to live and that I believe He can heal me. I'm also showing Him that I know my body is a Temple - an amazing temple that can create life, that can repair itself from disease and viruses, a temple that could only have been created by Him.
I you have ever been ill or never want to be, or if you or anyone you know or love has ever had cancer, read his books. Greg Anderson, Cancer Conquerer, 50 Things To Do When The Doctor Says It's Cancer, and the all around, non-specific, The 26 Non-Negotiable Laws of Good Health (okay, I'm not too sure of the title on that one, but if you check it out on Amazon you'll find it). He has other books too and he has a website, www.cancerrecovery.org it is worth checking out.
Also, I think this reliv is going to be worth checking out. As I said, I'm going to be documenting my recovery and side effects of the chemo etc and see how it goes. One of the first things I can already say is that I have been able to stop taking some of my medications. I do take medications for the pain - that is necessary at this point for me to be able to move at all. Unfortunately, the pain medication makes me very sleepy. I started taking some meds to keep me awake, and they worked great in the beginning but after a few weeks, they started to wear off. Eventually, I was back to sleeping for several hours every afternoon again. The doctor put me on Ritalin and that was the only way I could stay awake. It made me edgy and gave me a headache, but hey, I can't spend hours sleeping during the day - I'm home schooling my kids and I have a 3 yr old - I need ENERGY!
Well, the good news with this reliv is it gives me ENERGY - yeah! I can't say how important that is to me. I've been able to stop the Ritalin (which I not only hated, but it cost about $100 per month - and that is just the co-pay). So, I'm pretty thrilled with it so far.
Here is an overview of how each month usually goes for me:
I have chemo. I feel okay on Chemo Day and on Day 2 and Day 3. I usually wake up on Day 4 vomiting and with diahhrea. I spend 7-12 days unable to get out of bed except to run to the toilet. I keep a vomit bucket nearby and I vomit a lot. I do not eat or drink anything for 4-7 days. I get sicker and sicker and go to the E.R. at least once to get rehydrated, sometimes I am in such bad condition, I get admitted to the hospital for a couple days. During this 7-14 day period, I usually can't talk or interact with my family (or anyone else) because it makes me vomit. Basically, I spend the whole time trying not to vomit. It is truly awful. Around Day 10 - 14, I wake up and feel better. I'm able to eat normally and can get some fluids down. The next day, I wake up with mouth sores. These get worse and worse for 3-5 days. Eating and drinking is painful and just unpleasant. Talking hurts, brushing my teeth is miserable. Around Day 20 my mouth starts to feel better. I can eat and drink normally, but water still makes me nauseated. I have about 10 pretty good days until I have chemo again and start the whole thing all over.
It isn't the end of the world by any means, but it is lots of days when I don't get to be a part of life - I don't have any idea what is happening with my family, the boys take care of Rosie and everything else and it is a blur until it is over. I don't remember anything anyone tells me from this time. I do treasure the 10-14 good days I have at the end of the month and I am very grateful that the chemo seems to be keeping the cancer from spreading. I'm not really much worse that I was when I got diagnosed (from what we can tell). When we see the results for the CAT scans/ MRIs/Bone Scans etc, it seems to us that my body is in about the same condition as it was a year and a half ago. Not too bad.
Anyway, this month, after being on the reliv for about 2 and a half weeks, we noticed a huge, huge difference in the chemo. It hit me on Day 4 and I was only in bed about 4 days. I was still really weak and tired but I was able to come downstairs everyday after that. Granted, much of the time I was asleep on the couch for Days 7-10, but I was able to Eat and Drink every single day - even the days I was in bed. No E.R. By day 7 I was able to attend Max's meetings - yes, I was weak and tired but I was up and about and most of all, I was able to eat and drink and I never vomitted once. Again, I attribute this to the Lord and to the Reliv. I will keep you aprised of how things develop next month. I'm pretty excited though.
When we got back from vacation, we made another decision that we'd been considering the last couple months. I changed my oncologist. I have been going to Georgetown since my original diagnosis in 2000 and I've always felt confident in the care I've received. It is a renowned Hospital and a teaching hospital that has a huge emphasis on Cancer - the Lombardi Cancer Center is cutting edge and has all the best/latest and greatest technology.
The problem was for me, I realized, I was just along for the ride. As a patient, I wasn't really considered as a decision maker. My doctor was very smart and definitely knows everything about chemo, but I didn't feel like she had time for me. I only got to see her once a month before my chemo and she wouldn't spend more than about 5 minutes with me (literally). When I would ask her about lots of problems I was having, she always attributed them to something else (even though I knew it was from the chemo) and she would refer me to other doctors. You know, when you have cancer and are on chemo, other doctors don't want to see you, they always say, well, what did your oncologist say? It was very frustrating. Anyway, my mom found a brand new cancer center that is about 1/2 hour away from our home, compared to the 1 1/2 getting to Georgetown, the hassels with traffic and parking etc and the hassles with getting around a huge hospital - it was just exhausting. I really like my new oncologist and feel comfortable and confident and feel like I will be a part of my treatment options. That is a good feeling and I'm excited to get started with her.
I went on and on about me and my health again so I'll start a new post to talk a little about our vacation and tell everyone about how Max is doing. As always, thank you to all of you who actually read this blog and care about the development of me and my family. Your thoughts and prayers are invaluable and when I said that I actually felt the involvement of the Lord during our vacation - that is because of prayer, I know it. Your prayers are helping me so much and they are telling the Lord that I matter to you, I wish I had a better way to say Thank You, but I do say Thank You, keep thinking positive thoughts too.
Our vacation was wonderful. It was no less than fantastic. Somehow I was healthy and felt good for the whole 2 weeks. I must say I attribute this first to the Lord; He knew how important this trip was to me - it was so much more than a vacation and I definitely must say that I felt His uplifting hand many times when I started to feel tired or my tummy started to feel "chemo-y".
Secondly, I attribute my good health and overall well being to my new nutrition regime. About a week before we left for vacation, I started on a product called "re-liv" (which for me was quite aptly named). They are nutrition shakes which I am trying to drink several times per day to flood my body with vitamins and minerals. Sometimes I only get one in per day, but I'm shooting for 2-3 per day to really beef up my immune system - well, to try to get it healthy and maybe get to the point of beefing it up. I am a bit stunned at how much this product is helping me. I recovered from chemo much quicker than usual this time and actually skipped some of the worst steps altogether. I will talk about this more later. I think I'm going to start a health link so I can keep track of my tumor markers etc better, so I will document there if reliv is really helping me or if I'm just experiencing a placebo effect - either way, I'm happy.
Truthfully, I believe it is a combination of the nutrients etc and the Lord. I believe in Miracles - no doubt about it, they are happening everyday. My thought though, is that the Lord prefers to use our environment to create His miracles. He could, of course, just heal me now, zap all the tumors, get rid of the nasty cancer cells, etc. He does do this sometimes, but I've found that He likes us to try all we can ourselves and then He likes to use those tools we give Him from our own trials and attempts to help ourselves.
For example, I've been reading a lot about people who have survived Cancer. When I was in CA, a friend of my dad's gave me these great books by Greg Anderson. He was diagnosed with metasticized lung cancer in 1984 and given 30 days to live. He sunk into a depression and prepared to die and as he was slowly dying he decided he didn't want to die. He began to seek out survivors to see what they had done. It is a great book and he is still alive today. His basic message is; decide to live, cancer is a message to make a change in your life - heed the message and make the changes. Be positive, be spiritual, love yourself and your neighbors, eat better, exercize more, take nutritional supplements and drink more water (he says all cancer patients are dehydrated) do all the conventional things that conventional medicine advises - but be sure you believe in your doctors and in the regime they recommend for you. Once you have a plan - believe in it and everyday make the most of your life - be positive, be cheerful, laugh, love, forgive and stay very close to God.
It is nothing earth shaking or new, but by 1989 he was cancer-free and has been ever since. Wow. I can do that and I've been trying my best. There is more to it, of course, but in reading the books and starting to practice these things, I give the Lord tools to heal me. Does that make sense? In taking the shakes and flooding my body with nutrients, I'm giving the Lord tools to naturally heal and repair my immune system to fight off the cancer. I'm not saying the Lord needs these tools - I'm saying, I think He likes them. I think He wants me to work hard to repair myself - to show Him that I want to live and that I believe He can heal me. I'm also showing Him that I know my body is a Temple - an amazing temple that can create life, that can repair itself from disease and viruses, a temple that could only have been created by Him.
I you have ever been ill or never want to be, or if you or anyone you know or love has ever had cancer, read his books. Greg Anderson, Cancer Conquerer, 50 Things To Do When The Doctor Says It's Cancer, and the all around, non-specific, The 26 Non-Negotiable Laws of Good Health (okay, I'm not too sure of the title on that one, but if you check it out on Amazon you'll find it). He has other books too and he has a website, www.cancerrecovery.org it is worth checking out.
Also, I think this reliv is going to be worth checking out. As I said, I'm going to be documenting my recovery and side effects of the chemo etc and see how it goes. One of the first things I can already say is that I have been able to stop taking some of my medications. I do take medications for the pain - that is necessary at this point for me to be able to move at all. Unfortunately, the pain medication makes me very sleepy. I started taking some meds to keep me awake, and they worked great in the beginning but after a few weeks, they started to wear off. Eventually, I was back to sleeping for several hours every afternoon again. The doctor put me on Ritalin and that was the only way I could stay awake. It made me edgy and gave me a headache, but hey, I can't spend hours sleeping during the day - I'm home schooling my kids and I have a 3 yr old - I need ENERGY!
Well, the good news with this reliv is it gives me ENERGY - yeah! I can't say how important that is to me. I've been able to stop the Ritalin (which I not only hated, but it cost about $100 per month - and that is just the co-pay). So, I'm pretty thrilled with it so far.
Here is an overview of how each month usually goes for me:
I have chemo. I feel okay on Chemo Day and on Day 2 and Day 3. I usually wake up on Day 4 vomiting and with diahhrea. I spend 7-12 days unable to get out of bed except to run to the toilet. I keep a vomit bucket nearby and I vomit a lot. I do not eat or drink anything for 4-7 days. I get sicker and sicker and go to the E.R. at least once to get rehydrated, sometimes I am in such bad condition, I get admitted to the hospital for a couple days. During this 7-14 day period, I usually can't talk or interact with my family (or anyone else) because it makes me vomit. Basically, I spend the whole time trying not to vomit. It is truly awful. Around Day 10 - 14, I wake up and feel better. I'm able to eat normally and can get some fluids down. The next day, I wake up with mouth sores. These get worse and worse for 3-5 days. Eating and drinking is painful and just unpleasant. Talking hurts, brushing my teeth is miserable. Around Day 20 my mouth starts to feel better. I can eat and drink normally, but water still makes me nauseated. I have about 10 pretty good days until I have chemo again and start the whole thing all over.
It isn't the end of the world by any means, but it is lots of days when I don't get to be a part of life - I don't have any idea what is happening with my family, the boys take care of Rosie and everything else and it is a blur until it is over. I don't remember anything anyone tells me from this time. I do treasure the 10-14 good days I have at the end of the month and I am very grateful that the chemo seems to be keeping the cancer from spreading. I'm not really much worse that I was when I got diagnosed (from what we can tell). When we see the results for the CAT scans/ MRIs/Bone Scans etc, it seems to us that my body is in about the same condition as it was a year and a half ago. Not too bad.
Anyway, this month, after being on the reliv for about 2 and a half weeks, we noticed a huge, huge difference in the chemo. It hit me on Day 4 and I was only in bed about 4 days. I was still really weak and tired but I was able to come downstairs everyday after that. Granted, much of the time I was asleep on the couch for Days 7-10, but I was able to Eat and Drink every single day - even the days I was in bed. No E.R. By day 7 I was able to attend Max's meetings - yes, I was weak and tired but I was up and about and most of all, I was able to eat and drink and I never vomitted once. Again, I attribute this to the Lord and to the Reliv. I will keep you aprised of how things develop next month. I'm pretty excited though.
When we got back from vacation, we made another decision that we'd been considering the last couple months. I changed my oncologist. I have been going to Georgetown since my original diagnosis in 2000 and I've always felt confident in the care I've received. It is a renowned Hospital and a teaching hospital that has a huge emphasis on Cancer - the Lombardi Cancer Center is cutting edge and has all the best/latest and greatest technology.
The problem was for me, I realized, I was just along for the ride. As a patient, I wasn't really considered as a decision maker. My doctor was very smart and definitely knows everything about chemo, but I didn't feel like she had time for me. I only got to see her once a month before my chemo and she wouldn't spend more than about 5 minutes with me (literally). When I would ask her about lots of problems I was having, she always attributed them to something else (even though I knew it was from the chemo) and she would refer me to other doctors. You know, when you have cancer and are on chemo, other doctors don't want to see you, they always say, well, what did your oncologist say? It was very frustrating. Anyway, my mom found a brand new cancer center that is about 1/2 hour away from our home, compared to the 1 1/2 getting to Georgetown, the hassels with traffic and parking etc and the hassles with getting around a huge hospital - it was just exhausting. I really like my new oncologist and feel comfortable and confident and feel like I will be a part of my treatment options. That is a good feeling and I'm excited to get started with her.
I went on and on about me and my health again so I'll start a new post to talk a little about our vacation and tell everyone about how Max is doing. As always, thank you to all of you who actually read this blog and care about the development of me and my family. Your thoughts and prayers are invaluable and when I said that I actually felt the involvement of the Lord during our vacation - that is because of prayer, I know it. Your prayers are helping me so much and they are telling the Lord that I matter to you, I wish I had a better way to say Thank You, but I do say Thank You, keep thinking positive thoughts too.
Saturday, July 12, 2008
Our own pool....
The Baxter/Weitz work crew.
Daniel and Alexander digging and digging...
Max demonstrates the two foot-ed dig
This is the middle of a heat wave too. You can't tell obviously, but it was so terribly hot and humid, my dad's shirt would be soaked completely and dripping with sweat within about 20 minutes of going outside.
Shasta does her part as inspectress.
Daniel and Alexander digging and digging...
Max demonstrates the two foot-ed dig
This is the middle of a heat wave too. You can't tell obviously, but it was so terribly hot and humid, my dad's shirt would be soaked completely and dripping with sweat within about 20 minutes of going outside.
Shasta does her part as inspectress.I wrote in earlier posts about the above ground swimming pool we bought. I thought the whole pool thing was going to be a Saturday project. Boy, I couldn't have been more wrong. It has taken my dad, my husband and all three of my boys a few weeks to get things in shape to put in this little pool. Yes, it is an Above Ground Pool!! A smallish one. It's a big deal though for several reasons. First, we just have no entertainment budget for the summer so this is going to be something fun for the children to do whenever they like - it is free and it is great exercise for them. The main reason we got it though was for me. The physical therapists recommended that I get as much exercise as possible in a swimming pool; where I wouldn't be bearing my weight. It is amazing too, I can move around really well in the water and it isn't painful, but rather pleasant. It is such a nice feeling to be able to move again - almost like the old days. The best part is that I can pick Rosie up and play with her and even play with the boys again. I just can't say how nice it is to be able to be normal for a little bit. The only problem is that it is very difficult for me to get in and out of the pool, so I can only do it when Robert is home, otherwise, I'm afraid I might get stuck! Here are a few pictures of everyone doing some "groundwork" for the pool. Our backyard is really pretty steep so quite a bit of grading needed to be done.
Random Pix
Rosie and Mommy getting ready for bed. Rosie managed to get Daniel's gameboy away from him. Daniel is such a softy - Rosie knows she can get to him with a few tears and boy does she love to "play gameboy". Basically, anything the boys do, she wants to do.
Thought I'd include this photo just to show how much Alexander has grown. He is huge. Unfortunately, he has put on some weight this year and he is really sensitive about it. I am really sorry that I passed on my Fat Genes to him - he is just like me; loves to eat carbohydrates, especially if they are baked with sugar, and doesn't love exercising that much. He also, like me, eats to relieve stress. The unfair thing for him is that he has two brothers with voracious appetites. Max and Daniel can and do eat all day long and they don't gain an ounce. In fact, poor Daniel, if he doesn't eat all day long, he will lose weight quickly. So Alexander gets to watch everyone else chow down - I know how hard it is. But, that wasn't what I started out to say. His hugeness is not related to his weight but to his height. He has just really shot up this year. One day he was my mom's height (um, ...short) and the next day I noticed him towering over her. I guess he is about 5'9" now. He will be 14 in August. It literally seems like yesterday that I was giving him baths in the kitchen sink. He has turned out to be such a fine adult; funny, interesting, passionate, righteous, sensitive, introspective - I don't know where all that came from, but it is a wonderful combination and I really enjoy talking to him and listening to his stories and his viewpoint on the world. However, with all that said, he was the sweetest little boy; always eager to please me, holding my hand, cuddling with me, thinking I was the smartest person in the world. Sigh. I miss that too.
Here is Rosie, back in the bucket. She loves sitting in little things - bowls, buckets, etc. In fact, the boys have to be careful when they mop or are cleaning that she doesn't climb into the mop bucket!Rosie's Birthday
This is our 2nd year in a row with a Dora The Explorer theme. We added a a little Diego (Dora's cousin) this year for variety. Thanks to my Dad and Sandy for getting the decorations etc together. I was actually in the hospital and was only released the night before.
Here I am with a little hair - this is mid-May.
The blurry figure on the right is my Dad.
Oh look! More Dora stuff, but also, that whole bucket is full of outdoor chalk and outdoor coloring stuff - very cool.
Rosie, Grandpa (Baba), Max and Grandma Sandy (Gigi). There is an unwritten law of at least 40 years that says that no picture will ever be taken of Sandy, ever. That law was laid down before the internet or digital pictures existed but there are lots of stipulations and by laws etc that go with it. For example, if somehow a picture is taken of Sandy, it will immediately be given to her for destruction etc etc. The penalties for disobedience are pretty severe. But, well, my beloved Sandy doesn't know anything about computers or the internet, she has no idea how to use them. There is no way she would ever know that this picture is posted here on my blog. So, with shaking fingers and 40 years of threats ringing in my ears, I boldly place this picture on the internet for all the world to see. I do so at no risk to myself or offspring because there is no way Sandy could ever access this site. The only way she would ever know about this is if.....well, if someone were to tell her about it. Well, I do have an edit button if I ever need it.Daniel's Birthday
Isn't this too cute? Donna, my dear friend and professional cake mistress offered to make this for Daniel. I really appreciated it. Normally, it is a big thing for me, making the children's birthday cakes, but this year, I didn't make a single one. At least Daniel got a homemade, really cool one - thank you Donna!
The smiling 12 year old after eating some Black Frosting-yuk.
Max, Daniel, Alexander and a nearly naked Rosie -eager to open bday presents. And, yes, that is Christmas wrapping in April. Sigh. Luckily, my boys don't care a bit about stuff like that (and yes, I include my husband in that too!)
Rosie: getting dressed up for the rain.
Dying Easter Eggs - and, yes, that is me. So, at Easter, I was totally bald. I actually have about and inch and a half of hair now - it is a much better look for me, I can assure you.More Random Pictures
Here is a picture of me trying to soak my feet. Oh, you don't see me? Well, anything that is little and has water in it, is a "bath" for Rosie. She loves "baths".
Yep, here I am trying to soak my feet again. This time, I refuse to move. Hah.
Grandma and Rosie working in the kitchen - getting everything ready to dye Easter eggs - I told you these pictures are random! Rosie calls Grandma "Na". That is it - Na. She calls my Dad "Baba" and she calls my stepmom, Sandy "Gigi". I have no idea where she gets these names, but they are pure Rosie. She has always refused to call Alexander by his correct name too. She called him Ge ge right from the start - it means older brother in Chinese and it stuck. When we try to get her to say Al-ex-an-der, she says Al- ex- ge- ge. Ha ha. Now, however, she has made a change and she has started calling Alexander Ge- gy which sounds a lot like Daddy and also quite a lot like doggy which she has started calling Shasta. Keep Up!
This picture is from May or beg of June. The kids were begging to go swimming. Rosie dragged her little pool into the backyard and Max filled it up with some nice, Arctic hose water. Shasta is the only one who looks comfortable. The buckets they are sitting in are filled up with hot water from the kitchen tap. Other than that, they are having lots of fun!
Max; in the first stages of hypothermia.More Good News!
Get This!! We just got the test results back. We had to get Alexander and Daniel tested to meet VA's requirements for homeschooling. We have to show the government that they are actually learning and that they are keeping us with their counterparts in public school. I have no problem with this and was actually quite eager to learn how they would score against those in traditional education.
I looked through a bunch of the acceptable tests - the IOWA, CTBS, the CAT etc. Some of them were awfully lengthy and I didn't want to totally stress the boys out. Also, I had to get a proctor to administer the tests and the less time they spent taking the tests, the less it would cost us!
On top of that, I just wanted to get an idea of how they were doing - did the stuff sink in or was it in one ear, out the other? I decided to go with the CAT - the California Acheivement Test? Hmm, can't remember what it stands for at the moment, but it is the nationally accepted test, equivalent to the Iowas, but it only takes about 3 hours to take, whereas the Iowa is split into two days of testing, about 3 or 4 hours on each day. yikes.
Anyhoooo....Daniel scored in the 95th percentile and Alexander scored in the 99th percentile. I am so pleased. I have to say I was a little worried since I was so sick this year - the boys ended up working quite independently. But, that makes me all the more proud. They knew how sick I was and they could have gotten away with lots of shortcuts or worse. Instead, they chose to take the high road, even when there was little to no accountability. How grateful I am for my righteous (and smart) sons! Great thanks to my Heavenly Father for trusting me with these sweet souls, where would I be without them?
I looked through a bunch of the acceptable tests - the IOWA, CTBS, the CAT etc. Some of them were awfully lengthy and I didn't want to totally stress the boys out. Also, I had to get a proctor to administer the tests and the less time they spent taking the tests, the less it would cost us!
On top of that, I just wanted to get an idea of how they were doing - did the stuff sink in or was it in one ear, out the other? I decided to go with the CAT - the California Acheivement Test? Hmm, can't remember what it stands for at the moment, but it is the nationally accepted test, equivalent to the Iowas, but it only takes about 3 hours to take, whereas the Iowa is split into two days of testing, about 3 or 4 hours on each day. yikes.
Anyhoooo....Daniel scored in the 95th percentile and Alexander scored in the 99th percentile. I am so pleased. I have to say I was a little worried since I was so sick this year - the boys ended up working quite independently. But, that makes me all the more proud. They knew how sick I was and they could have gotten away with lots of shortcuts or worse. Instead, they chose to take the high road, even when there was little to no accountability. How grateful I am for my righteous (and smart) sons! Great thanks to my Heavenly Father for trusting me with these sweet souls, where would I be without them?
Daniel is Home!! Hurray!
Okay. You are probably wondering if I will ever post anything uplifting! Sorry to be so gloomy of late, but today I do have great news. Daniel left last Monday for Scout Camp and he just returned home - nearly a whole week without him.
It was really weird because Max has also been gone for several weeks and before Daniel left we had already been talking about how quiet the house is without Max - the difference is huge. With Max at home, there is always a constant mid-level to upper-level hum, often punctuated by screams, crying, yelling, the sounds of walls being hit etc. All of that is gone without him here. I had no idea that ALL of it was caused by him - either directly or as a result of something he said or did to antagonize his brothers.
Well, with Daniel gone too, it was just eerily silent all week. Rosie and Alexander are our singers, so I could hear them singing quite well all over the house - even Rosie's hums while she plays in her bedroom were audible from wherever I was in the house - amazing.
Daniel had a great- wonderful - fantastic time at camp. I am so thrilled that he did well and had fun. He earned 5 merit badges in one week! Wow. He came home with a leather knife pouch, two baskets and a stool - all of which he had made/woven himself. I'm as proud as a peacock. What a good boy he is.
Rosie could not have been more excited when he walked in the door. She was jumping up and down and saying, "Daniel, Daniel, come play with me!". Poor little girl, with me sick in bed all week and Alexander running around trying to do all the chores and take care of me, he hasn't had much time to play with her. I've tried to entertain her from my bed with coloring, reading etc, but that only goes so far for a three year old!
I think with Daniel gone this week, Alexander realized how much work Daniel does. Hopefully, he will appreciate him a little more? In any case, we all really missed him and are so glad to have him home. Our gratitude to all the Scout leaders who take on this huge task each year - thank you for making this a wonderful experience for our son and most especially for returning him to us safe and sound!
It was really weird because Max has also been gone for several weeks and before Daniel left we had already been talking about how quiet the house is without Max - the difference is huge. With Max at home, there is always a constant mid-level to upper-level hum, often punctuated by screams, crying, yelling, the sounds of walls being hit etc. All of that is gone without him here. I had no idea that ALL of it was caused by him - either directly or as a result of something he said or did to antagonize his brothers.
Well, with Daniel gone too, it was just eerily silent all week. Rosie and Alexander are our singers, so I could hear them singing quite well all over the house - even Rosie's hums while she plays in her bedroom were audible from wherever I was in the house - amazing.
Daniel had a great- wonderful - fantastic time at camp. I am so thrilled that he did well and had fun. He earned 5 merit badges in one week! Wow. He came home with a leather knife pouch, two baskets and a stool - all of which he had made/woven himself. I'm as proud as a peacock. What a good boy he is.
Rosie could not have been more excited when he walked in the door. She was jumping up and down and saying, "Daniel, Daniel, come play with me!". Poor little girl, with me sick in bed all week and Alexander running around trying to do all the chores and take care of me, he hasn't had much time to play with her. I've tried to entertain her from my bed with coloring, reading etc, but that only goes so far for a three year old!
I think with Daniel gone this week, Alexander realized how much work Daniel does. Hopefully, he will appreciate him a little more? In any case, we all really missed him and are so glad to have him home. Our gratitude to all the Scout leaders who take on this huge task each year - thank you for making this a wonderful experience for our son and most especially for returning him to us safe and sound!
Tony Snow
Sigh. Another one's gone.
Tony Snow was the White House Press Secretary for Pres Bush for a while. He just seems like such a nice, intelligent, family loving man (whatever your politics are).
He was having chemo at Georgetown - the same place I go. In fact, Robert and I ran into him just about 2 months ago. We were all leaving at the same time and he was oo-ing and ah-ing over Rosie. He helped us into the elevator (yes, with a wheelchair and a 3 year old we often require help!) and we rode down together. He seemed so healthy - his hair thick and dark (okay, I know that isn't an indicator, but in the cancer world, that is the first thing we patients look at!) - he was strong - he was there on his own. I mean usually, when it is getting towards the end, the patients come with family members or friends when they come for their treatments, but he just seemed like he was doing great.
Actually, when he still worked for Bush and, I think for a while afterwards, we would see the security detail waiting around in the hallway - it made it all the more strange for him to just be there by himself. I don't think anyone should go for chemo alone. I'm so grateful that Robert always goes with me and I always feel so awful when I see people getting their treatments and sitting alone. Of course, it may be their preference, but it still breaks my heart - especially if they are elderly.
If you watch the brief interview on this link, you will see where I go to get my treatments. It is the same room where he is sitting for his treatments.
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/25649744
I just could not have been more shocked this morning when Alexander told me that Tony Snow had passed away. Really. It is frightening that he could just be so very healthy one day and that the cancer could devour and kill him so quickly. This is the meanest, cruelest disease. He left behind a wife a several young children.
Tony Snow was the White House Press Secretary for Pres Bush for a while. He just seems like such a nice, intelligent, family loving man (whatever your politics are).
He was having chemo at Georgetown - the same place I go. In fact, Robert and I ran into him just about 2 months ago. We were all leaving at the same time and he was oo-ing and ah-ing over Rosie. He helped us into the elevator (yes, with a wheelchair and a 3 year old we often require help!) and we rode down together. He seemed so healthy - his hair thick and dark (okay, I know that isn't an indicator, but in the cancer world, that is the first thing we patients look at!) - he was strong - he was there on his own. I mean usually, when it is getting towards the end, the patients come with family members or friends when they come for their treatments, but he just seemed like he was doing great.
Actually, when he still worked for Bush and, I think for a while afterwards, we would see the security detail waiting around in the hallway - it made it all the more strange for him to just be there by himself. I don't think anyone should go for chemo alone. I'm so grateful that Robert always goes with me and I always feel so awful when I see people getting their treatments and sitting alone. Of course, it may be their preference, but it still breaks my heart - especially if they are elderly.
If you watch the brief interview on this link, you will see where I go to get my treatments. It is the same room where he is sitting for his treatments.
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/25649744
I just could not have been more shocked this morning when Alexander told me that Tony Snow had passed away. Really. It is frightening that he could just be so very healthy one day and that the cancer could devour and kill him so quickly. This is the meanest, cruelest disease. He left behind a wife a several young children.
Tuesday, June 03, 2008
SCC
One of my favorite songs is "All I Want for Christmas". It is by a popular Christian musician, Steven Curtis Chapmann. I really enjoy some of his music and that song in particular is so wonderful. It is about children with no families or homes, he sings, "all I really want for Christmas is someone to tuck me in, a shoulder to cry on when I lose, a shoulder to ride on when I win...........all I really want for Christmas, is a family". The first time I heard it, I saw the video too. He shows pictures of Foster Children who are looking for homes. It is such a beautiful song. He also has a few others that just move me deeply. I first got interested in his music because I found out he has a ministry and trys to help people who adopt from China. He and his wife had adopted 3 beautiful girls from China and they truly want to help others, so I started reading his blogs etc while we were waiting for our court date for Rosie.
Anyway, on May 22, they lost their youngest (adopted from China) daughter in a driveway accident. She was 5 years old. I found out about it the next day and they have been on my mind and in my prayers. Please, if you are so inclined, check out their blog and remember them in your prayers:
http://chapmanchannel.typepad.com/inmemoryofmaria/?roi=farm-12766586-88803-14a570b25b795856f5a4b7c2b8067d5a&
Anyway, on May 22, they lost their youngest (adopted from China) daughter in a driveway accident. She was 5 years old. I found out about it the next day and they have been on my mind and in my prayers. Please, if you are so inclined, check out their blog and remember them in your prayers:
http://chapmanchannel.typepad.com/inmemoryofmaria/?roi=farm-12766586-88803-14a570b25b795856f5a4b7c2b8067d5a&
My Health
Well, it has been a pretty crudy month for me, health wise. I was on session 6 (out of 10) on my radiation when I started to get pretty ill. They gave me some medicine to help with the nausea, but I kept getting worse. I was unable to eat or drink and by session 8, I was vomitting profusely and was getting very weak. I had session 9 on a Thursday and was up all that night vomitting and on Friday I called and cancelled for my last session, I was too weak to even get out of bed. On Saturday, wouldn't you know it, my mom had to leave for a week for a conference.
By Saturday afternoon, Robert was so scared he insisted we go to the E.R., which we did. They admitted me and just started filling me full of fluids. My Blood Counts were so low, they were surprised I was still alive. In fact, they didn't believe it and drew my blood again to double check it!! I can only say that your prayers kept me alive through this terrible time.
They kept me for about 4 days, my mom came home early from her conference (sorry mom, but thank you) and I tried so hard to eat and drink, but I just couldn't. Anything I tried to get down just came back up again. It was only a couple days before I ended up back in the E.R. again - this time for almost a week. It was really awful. I hope I never feel that sick again and I hope no one else ever has to go through that.
I just started to feel better this week - after I'd been home from the hospital about 2 weeks. I do feel much better now though and I thank everyone for their thoughts and prayers for me. A huge thank you to the sisters who brought food to my family the first time I was in the hospital when my mom was gone. Also, I'm sorry if I haven't emailed you in a long time. When I finally could get back on the computer again I had over 900 emails. Most of it was junk, but still, it took me forever to sort through it all.
Please don't ever take your health for granted. Give thanks each day that you wake up and feel good. Use your body - work hard, play lots, serve your family, friends and strangers. Oh, how I wish I could!!
By Saturday afternoon, Robert was so scared he insisted we go to the E.R., which we did. They admitted me and just started filling me full of fluids. My Blood Counts were so low, they were surprised I was still alive. In fact, they didn't believe it and drew my blood again to double check it!! I can only say that your prayers kept me alive through this terrible time.
They kept me for about 4 days, my mom came home early from her conference (sorry mom, but thank you) and I tried so hard to eat and drink, but I just couldn't. Anything I tried to get down just came back up again. It was only a couple days before I ended up back in the E.R. again - this time for almost a week. It was really awful. I hope I never feel that sick again and I hope no one else ever has to go through that.
I just started to feel better this week - after I'd been home from the hospital about 2 weeks. I do feel much better now though and I thank everyone for their thoughts and prayers for me. A huge thank you to the sisters who brought food to my family the first time I was in the hospital when my mom was gone. Also, I'm sorry if I haven't emailed you in a long time. When I finally could get back on the computer again I had over 900 emails. Most of it was junk, but still, it took me forever to sort through it all.
Please don't ever take your health for granted. Give thanks each day that you wake up and feel good. Use your body - work hard, play lots, serve your family, friends and strangers. Oh, how I wish I could!!
Miracle Part 2
We recently received another check from the Holly Walk-a-Thon. Apparently, they hadn't collected all the donations when they sent the first check. So, they just sent me the final check for another 900+ dollars. It is unbelievable!! Over $4,000 in all. This money came at such an opportune time for us too, how can we express how much we needed it and appreciate it. We were able to put some of the money toward bills, but we also used some to buy supplements for me that I really believe are helping me with the cancer and also to overcome some of the bad side effects of the chemo. We put a little aside to take a quick trip this summer.
Basically, we have all the frequent flyer miles that we had been saving up to go get Anastasia from Russia. So, we have enough for all of us to fly out West this summer. It is really important to me, because we still have family who haven't met Rosie yet. In addition, both Robert and I have relatives who are elderly and between my health situation and theirs we figured we should get there this summer. But, we didn't have enough money for eating and a rental car, so now we will be able to do it. How wonderful.
Finally, we used some of the money to buy a small, above ground pool. This is going to be wonderful for the children this summer and they are so excited about it. However, that isn't the main reason we purchased it. The physical therapist told me that my best exercise opportunity would be in the swimming pool, but it just seemed so hard, logistically, for me to go to the pool. I can't get dressed by myself and I'd have to keep an eye on Rosie and the boys - how would I be able to exercise etc. I just felt like I'd be overwhelmed and exhausted by the time I even got changed into my swimsuit, so, I never went. Robert came up with the idea of putting a little pool in our backyard. We aren't sure yet how I'm going to get in and out of it, but I'm sure we'll figure out something. My dad and stepmom flew out for a quick visit and my dad helped Robert and the boys get the backyard leveled out and ready for the pool. Robert just set the pool up a couple of days ago. Right now, it is about as cold as the arctic ocean but as soon as it warms up, I'll be in there every day, not only exercising but hopefully getting to do something fun with my children.
How grateful we are for the money and all the opportunities it gave us. Amazing that you could change my whole families lives with 2 checks - but you have. Thank you to everyone who participated in the Walk-a-Thon. What marvelous people you are.
Basically, we have all the frequent flyer miles that we had been saving up to go get Anastasia from Russia. So, we have enough for all of us to fly out West this summer. It is really important to me, because we still have family who haven't met Rosie yet. In addition, both Robert and I have relatives who are elderly and between my health situation and theirs we figured we should get there this summer. But, we didn't have enough money for eating and a rental car, so now we will be able to do it. How wonderful.
Finally, we used some of the money to buy a small, above ground pool. This is going to be wonderful for the children this summer and they are so excited about it. However, that isn't the main reason we purchased it. The physical therapist told me that my best exercise opportunity would be in the swimming pool, but it just seemed so hard, logistically, for me to go to the pool. I can't get dressed by myself and I'd have to keep an eye on Rosie and the boys - how would I be able to exercise etc. I just felt like I'd be overwhelmed and exhausted by the time I even got changed into my swimsuit, so, I never went. Robert came up with the idea of putting a little pool in our backyard. We aren't sure yet how I'm going to get in and out of it, but I'm sure we'll figure out something. My dad and stepmom flew out for a quick visit and my dad helped Robert and the boys get the backyard leveled out and ready for the pool. Robert just set the pool up a couple of days ago. Right now, it is about as cold as the arctic ocean but as soon as it warms up, I'll be in there every day, not only exercising but hopefully getting to do something fun with my children.
How grateful we are for the money and all the opportunities it gave us. Amazing that you could change my whole families lives with 2 checks - but you have. Thank you to everyone who participated in the Walk-a-Thon. What marvelous people you are.
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