I've had a hard time typing lately. My hands get numb, tingley and shakey and I'm usually just too tired to get on here and update and I'm sorry for that. I'm not going to go on and on about myself though, other than to say that I'm doing allright, I'll have results on Friday from a Cat Scan I had done today and I hope to post more then.
My grandma and grandpa are visiting this week and I have to say that their visit has really cheered me and just having them here seems to kick in some sort of adrenilin which keeps me awake, alert and in a good mood - I'm really grateful for that because I was afraid I would be too tired to visit much with them.
I just had to get on and post our good news though.
1) Alexander won the Pokemon State Championship last week and we have all just been flying high all week on that great news. Pictures and more details to follow.
Just when we were thinking how blessed we are and how much joy our children bring us...
2)My step-son, (okay, Robert's son, but he is just like a son to me too) Scott dropped by with his girfriend Brooke on Sunday and let us know that they are engaged. We couldn't be more excited and happy for them. Scott is getting a really beautiful, smart, sweet, talented wife and Brooke is getting a wonderful, loyal, funny, smart husband. Scott is much like his father in very many ways and I can tell you that you can't ask for more in a husband.
It is going to be a summer wedding (this summer) and we are just thrilled. I'm so excited for them to go to the Temple and I'm so grateful they are getting married here in VA. Robert's daughter recently got married in UT in a place that didn't allow children so we weren't able to go to the wedding with him. I guess we still haven't got over missing her blessed day and we are so thrilled that we can both be there to see Scott married. I'll post some pictures of them whenever I can. Read on for more on our other great news.
I must say again, that I am so grateful for all of our children ( 8 in total). Each one has enriched our lives in their own unique way and they are the ones who bring us joy untold - even when it feels like there is no joy upcoming!! I'll post more about my health later, for now, please just revel in all this excitement with me.
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
Look at all the people....
It has been a week of great news for our family. These photos are of the Pokemon State Finals in Virginia. There were hundreds of people there and if you think it is a game just played by little boys, no, no, no. There are boys, girls, teenagers of all types, moms, dads, and yes...grandmas and grandpas. You would be surprised to see how widespread the appeal of this game is, I'm not surprised and one day soon I'm going to have Alexander finally teach me how to play. I'm interested to learn but also, I just need to know how to participate in something my son loves so much!
It was such a thrill when Alexander called to say he thought he might win. For the first time ever, the tournament was held close by. We usually have to drive for hours each way to get Alexander to these games. Anyway, he was very close by --just around the corner at the local fire station and Robert jumped into the car and was there to see the big win. Alexander was in the local newspaper the next day and we have all been just as happy as can be - after years of trying hard and putting most of his allowance into cards and asking for cards for every Christmas and birthday, after pouring all his extra time into his passion, finally, he took home a big trophy as the Virginia State Champion.
All Walks of Life...
I truly am a Poke-mom. Alexander has been interested in Pokemon since he was about 7 years old. He started out loving the cartoons and movies, he then added the games when he got a gameboy. As he grew older he started to play the GameCube and Wii games, but around 5 years ago he became interested in the card game. The cards are trading cards but there is also a complex card game that is played with them. As I learned more about Pokemon, I came to appreciate it more and more. We would take Alexander to games wherever we could find them. We lived in Europe at the time, but no matter. Alexander managed to find a couple of leagues that played in Germany and then he would find tournaments in different countries. The first one we went to was in Salzberg, luckily Alexander spoke a little German already and it was a very interesting event for me. Later, he found more tournaments, we even drove to Italy for one. As we got close, I asked Alexander how he expected to communicate with the people there. He just shrugged his shoulders- he wasn't worried about it at all. And so, we got to meet lots of other people, all over the continent, who shared a love with my son. Eventually, he taught Daniel how to play and Daniel too enjoyed travelling around and going to leagues and tournaments. He never developed the love and passion that Alexander has, but still, it is enough that they get to play together and enjoy a common interest. After the games are played, the players all gather together and trade cards. It is very interesting and has been quite a journey for our family.
Whom were you expecting?
And you thought it was just a bunch of nerdy little kids who played Pokemon!
Did you know that there are even adults at these competitions?
Deep in Thought
Alexander going for the big win.
He played for around 13 hours.
First, he had to win in the top 4 out of 8 rounds in his age division.
Then he had to win best 2 out of 3 in the top cut.
Whew, he was exhausted when he got home.
And the winner is.....
Alexander Baxter, age 14
Pokemon State Champion, Senior Division
Virginia 2009
Friday, December 26, 2008
Merry Christmas Everyone!!!
It was another beautiful and blessed day for us. I hope that each one of you also enjoyed this Christmas day; that you were able to spend time with loved ones, exchange gifts, laugh, cry, rejoice and thank Heavenly Father for all we are given; all we have. We were fortunate to have my mom and Scott spend the night last night and be here for the big event this morning.
Today, I personally felt very close to our Savior. Most of the day I just felt so happy and joyful, watching my boys doing the funnest, bestest thing in the world --(getting all the gifts they wanted) while I held Rosie who wasn't feeling too well and didn't much want to open up presents. Two totally different aspects of my children were brought together as I watched them and could almost hear the thoughts they were thinking as either they or their sibling received each gift.
We got Rosie some baby dolls this year, she also got a little high chair and stroller for one of the babies. She is in LOVE! She hasn't shown any interest in babies up till now, she is only interested in animals, but this baby says a few phrases, "I love you mommy", "I'm thirsty" etc and Rosie is just feeding her, burping her and cuddling her. It couldn't be cuter.
The boys all got stuff they wanted and I think they were pretty happy. I love that I know each one of them so well. The big present this year went to Daniel who got a pair of turtles. I am a big turtle fan -- they are such great pets and so, so cute and I really think he has worked hard this year to show us he can handle the responsibility and I think he really needs someone who loves him unconditionally (according to him) and his turtles will do all this. I'm excited to watch their relationship grow. He has already cleaned out the acquarium and is upstairs setting it all up with Robert. Neat.
They also got a ping pong table. We had one in Vienna which the boys loved, now that we have some space in the basement we can put another table in there. I'm pretty excited about that too since it will give them all a chance to play at something they enjoy.
Alexander and Max got mostly electronic type stuff and Daniel got quite a bit of creative stuff/build it type of stuff. They all got good gifts from aunts,grandparents and greatgrandparents and it was therefore, once again, a pretty grande experience. In fact, Rosie still hasn't opened up all her presents, which is fine too. Tomorrow we'll be able to do it again!! It wasn't that she got so so many, but that she just wasn't feeling good - hope she's not getting really sick. We've all had a bit of a cold the last few weeks and it is certainly getting tiring.
I got to end up Christmas day by going to the hospital to get some antibiotic infusions. It wasn't the most pleasant way to end the day, but it could have been far worse. Robert ran me into the E.R. on Tuesday night after a week or so of me really feeling bad ended with a fever. Fever is the big no-n0 when you are on chemo so I had to be seen right away. I was admitted and had to stay over on Tueasday night, they wanted to keep me through Friday night when they had all the test results back from the cultures but I begged them to let me go on Weds. so I could be home for Christmas eve dinner and Christmas morning. They acquiessed provided I come in everyday for antibiotic infusions, so, you see, it could have been much, much worse.
That brings me round to my chemo/cancer stuff. I haven't posted about it in a while, but I feel I need to. I don't really know what to say. It has been very difficult for us (me and the medical team that works to keep my body going) to keep my blood counts up. That is to say that I have chemo followed by some shots that elevate my white and/or red blood cell counts enough so that the chemo doesn't kill me. That is okay for a few days and then my counts start to drop again. I feel bad. I feel worse. My blood counts get really low again and I need to get them propped up again either through blood transfusions or shots or whatever they can come up with. Obviously, I can't keep doing this for long. The hope is that my body is going to recover from this in a more normal way and I can start the chemo in a more normal way again. Sigh. It is scarey stuff. If I can't do the chemo, then what?
I have another problem too. I have recently been researching about canal roots and breast cancer and (if you believe some or all of what you read on the internet) it seems there is a connection and that a bio dentist should remove all root canal teeth immediately if you want to combat cancer. That would leave me with two gaping holes in my mouth/smile.
Didn't mean to get on a downer here - YIKES. I am actually quite joyous today, I have so loved just being with my children today, having my mom around and watching Robert play with all the kids (including Scott). I love my family and I love Christmas. Merry Christmas to all - I love you!
Today, I personally felt very close to our Savior. Most of the day I just felt so happy and joyful, watching my boys doing the funnest, bestest thing in the world --(getting all the gifts they wanted) while I held Rosie who wasn't feeling too well and didn't much want to open up presents. Two totally different aspects of my children were brought together as I watched them and could almost hear the thoughts they were thinking as either they or their sibling received each gift.
We got Rosie some baby dolls this year, she also got a little high chair and stroller for one of the babies. She is in LOVE! She hasn't shown any interest in babies up till now, she is only interested in animals, but this baby says a few phrases, "I love you mommy", "I'm thirsty" etc and Rosie is just feeding her, burping her and cuddling her. It couldn't be cuter.
The boys all got stuff they wanted and I think they were pretty happy. I love that I know each one of them so well. The big present this year went to Daniel who got a pair of turtles. I am a big turtle fan -- they are such great pets and so, so cute and I really think he has worked hard this year to show us he can handle the responsibility and I think he really needs someone who loves him unconditionally (according to him) and his turtles will do all this. I'm excited to watch their relationship grow. He has already cleaned out the acquarium and is upstairs setting it all up with Robert. Neat.
They also got a ping pong table. We had one in Vienna which the boys loved, now that we have some space in the basement we can put another table in there. I'm pretty excited about that too since it will give them all a chance to play at something they enjoy.
Alexander and Max got mostly electronic type stuff and Daniel got quite a bit of creative stuff/build it type of stuff. They all got good gifts from aunts,grandparents and greatgrandparents and it was therefore, once again, a pretty grande experience. In fact, Rosie still hasn't opened up all her presents, which is fine too. Tomorrow we'll be able to do it again!! It wasn't that she got so so many, but that she just wasn't feeling good - hope she's not getting really sick. We've all had a bit of a cold the last few weeks and it is certainly getting tiring.
I got to end up Christmas day by going to the hospital to get some antibiotic infusions. It wasn't the most pleasant way to end the day, but it could have been far worse. Robert ran me into the E.R. on Tuesday night after a week or so of me really feeling bad ended with a fever. Fever is the big no-n0 when you are on chemo so I had to be seen right away. I was admitted and had to stay over on Tueasday night, they wanted to keep me through Friday night when they had all the test results back from the cultures but I begged them to let me go on Weds. so I could be home for Christmas eve dinner and Christmas morning. They acquiessed provided I come in everyday for antibiotic infusions, so, you see, it could have been much, much worse.
That brings me round to my chemo/cancer stuff. I haven't posted about it in a while, but I feel I need to. I don't really know what to say. It has been very difficult for us (me and the medical team that works to keep my body going) to keep my blood counts up. That is to say that I have chemo followed by some shots that elevate my white and/or red blood cell counts enough so that the chemo doesn't kill me. That is okay for a few days and then my counts start to drop again. I feel bad. I feel worse. My blood counts get really low again and I need to get them propped up again either through blood transfusions or shots or whatever they can come up with. Obviously, I can't keep doing this for long. The hope is that my body is going to recover from this in a more normal way and I can start the chemo in a more normal way again. Sigh. It is scarey stuff. If I can't do the chemo, then what?
I have another problem too. I have recently been researching about canal roots and breast cancer and (if you believe some or all of what you read on the internet) it seems there is a connection and that a bio dentist should remove all root canal teeth immediately if you want to combat cancer. That would leave me with two gaping holes in my mouth/smile.
Didn't mean to get on a downer here - YIKES. I am actually quite joyous today, I have so loved just being with my children today, having my mom around and watching Robert play with all the kids (including Scott). I love my family and I love Christmas. Merry Christmas to all - I love you!
Friday, December 19, 2008
Pieces of Christmas News
We've finally finished our newsletter for 2008. We hope to be mailing it out very soon - ha! Only 7 more days till Christmas. Due to my usual wordiness, I was forced to cut the newsletter in half and leave my children out! Can you imagine? Anyway, here is what would have been in our newsletter had the page been much longer!
What we really wanted to convey to everyone was that it has been a wonderful year for us and for our children. Even though there have been trials, joy seems to keep tipping the scale and we end up with smiles wiping away our tears. We are so grateful to be able to say that. It has been a tough year for all of us. In many ways, Robert and I have clung to each other as if on a life-boat in the rough waters, but each morning we awaken to our children's faces and our dogs excitedly greeting us ...and the waters dry and we are left to feel the Son --drying and energizing us once again.
We pray and pray that Holly will be given more time. Time to raise our children, to fill her husband's life with all the things she promised to do so many years ago, to watch all her children grow and serve missions to spread the Lord's Word,get married, have children themselves. To grow old (okay, older) with her husband and spend some years serving after having been served so many years.
However, after each of those prayers which we echo each night, we must always end with "thy will be done". Those must be the hardest words to say, but we mean them and we know that if the Lord's Will is done, then everything will be alright and that is the most important thing.
We have come to know and love so many during this last year. So many good, kind people - people who hardly knew us, or knew us not at all but were willing to help. We have been warmed by their love and generosity and we have been humbled by their sacrifices.
Once again, we have reflected on how blessed we are to have been of goodly parents - our parents have supported us in so many ways. We are so grateful for our family, friends, all of you.
Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to All!!
Here is part TWO of our newsletter:
Children’s Christmas Letter 2008
Alexander
Alexander has shown a motivation previously unknown to his family. He gets up each morning at 5:30am to go to Seminary and returns home around 7am to start school. He works hard all day at school and then works hard in the afternoon to get chores done and to take care of mom (especially at making those Reliv shakes she needs so much) and to watch Rosie whenever Mom needs a break. He set his mind to getting healthy and he has lost 30 lbs and is just looking and feeling wonderful. Both Alexander and Daniel took a very interesting class this year; a six week look into two of Shakespeare’s works; Hamlet and Othello. Alexander has begun writing music/lyrics/poetry and other than that, Alexander’s true love, Pokemon, still resides with him. He tries to go to his Saturday league whenever possible and to take part in any competitions that are within driving distance. However, mom’s illness, the family’s busy schedule, and the high gas prices put a big dent in his plans and he certainly didn’t get to go as often as he wanted. We hope in 2009 we’ll be able to cater a little more to his love of Pokemon. He is maintaining a GPA of 3.74
Max
It has been a very difficult year for Max. Since June he has been living in a Residential Treatment Facility (RTF). It was a hard decision to say the least but we finally had to accept that we couldn’t help him any more – we just don’t have the special skills necessary to deal with a child who is in as much pain as he is. Recently we have started family therapy, including Horse Therapy (which we all love) and we think we can see him advancing. He wants to come home, but just can’t stay on track long enough to make the next step sometimes. Anyway, despite some setbacks, we think he may be ready to come home in February. That is our hope. Of course, there will still be lots of counseling and we will still need lots of help (and prayers), but at least he will be here with us, his family. He has gotten huge this year, growing about 4 inches and gaining about 30 lbs! Both he and Alexander are now wearing glasses and they both look even more mature with glasses. Max got a PSP (an electronic gaming device) for his birthday and it is really helping him to fill the empty hours he has at the RTF, he has also started doing puzzles and turning to art to help him through the hard times. We are really pleased that he is finding some constructive uses for his time as that was always a problem with him – he just didn’t like doing anything and was always bored.
Daniel
This year Daniel has been busier than ever and he has become so much more mature and helpful than we could have imagined. He is just a whirlwind of activity, getting up early every morning to work at school for about 5-8 hours per day and then working like a crazy man to clean house, and see if I need anything or if he can help with anything else. He is the one person who manages to keep a smile on his face most of the day, no matter the stress level going on around him. We have managed (he, Alexander and Holly) to do scripture study most mornings together and it is in part due to Daniel’s reminders that we keep getting the important things in. He still loves Scouts and has become something of a master camper taking a camping trip around once a month and always getting rave reviews from his Scout leaders who seem to truly enjoy his company and his way of always helping out. In Scout Camp this summer he managed to get 5 badges in one week! In school he is carrying about a 3.7 GPA –not bad!
Rosie
There is so much to say about this sweet little girl, but we do get lots of info about her on our blog so we hope everyone will read it from time to time. Holly hasn’t been too great about keeping it updated, but whenever she feels well, she jumps onto the internet to post a few photos or type in a paragraph or two. Rosie has a love of life that keeps us all going, we have found laughter and joy everyday through her and this has even been on the days when we couldn’t have imagined laughing. Again, we have to thank the Lord for bringing her into our lives.
Here is the rest of our newsletter:
Christmas 2008
Merry Christmas Everyone. We are all doing well. As with each of you, sometimes we take things day to day and sometimes we struggle but all in all we are doing well; living well, finding joy in life and in each other and looking forward to pulling all the loose ends together in 2009.
Judy
Holly’s mom moved out in November and though it is still weird having her gone, we are glad that she is living only 30 minutes away. She is still close enough to help us out with our unending needs but still have her own space. We must admit that our home is very tiny and her section of it was just a little bedroom. She got an apartment much closer to work and we hope she is enjoying her privacy and freedom! We think she has cut about 11/2 hours off her commute! Other than that she is expanding her skills and interests in weaving and has created some beautiful works of art this year through knitting, weaving and she is even making and dying her own yarn. Kudos for keeping Education at the forefront of her life!
Robert
Robert continues working long hard days. His office has been very accommodating in letting him take time off when needed to help Holly with her many trips to the doctor. He keeps very busy between work and his church obligations. He is still a Counselor to the High Priest Group leader and has been pretty active with meetings and duties there. He also keeps busy trying to keep our little house from falling apart and throws in the odd nail or screw or mows the lawn or rakes the leaves or redoes all the things he has just completed from his last “Honey-Do” list. In the leftover time, he likes to enjoy life with his wife or one or more of his many, many children. Though only 4 live with him now, the other 4 are never far from his thoughts or actions as he tries to track them down by phone or email to see how they are doing.
Holly
Holly’s work has become as varied as her health. She is either running around going to doctor appointments and doing errands or she is laid flat out in bed doing absolutely nothing! It is up and down and we still don’t know what to expect or when, but some days are really good and some are really, really bad. The good news for 2008 though has been the supplement that Holly has begun taking. “Reliv” has certainly helped her by pumping up her immune system and keeping her feeling better than she otherwise would have. Since starting on the Reliv regime she has not been in the hospital once and that is probably the biggest blessing. She still awakes every morning and feels a great sense of gratitude for all that she has. In every trial there is joy and she is so glad to have the Lord with her in this journey.
You
Your thoughts and prayers have meant everything to us this year. There have been times in the past where we’ve pled for your love and support, but in 2008, we were begging for your prayers and we felt them and were uplifted by them. Through all the trials we found joy, behind black clouds we found silver linings and in facing our fears we found the Lord, always waiting for us to come back and be strengthened by our faith. When we were weak, we found our friends and family; ready to pray, hold our hands, feed us dinner, or drive our children to and fro. Each one of you has created an opportunity in our lives – in spaces where we just couldn’t do it ourselves. Thank you, thank you so much for loving this family by visiting us, emailing or calling us, for giving Alexander and Daniel rides so we could visit with Max. Can you ever realize how important each of those gifts was to us? This is the gift of Christmas. May you too be comforted and uplifted by this gift. Merry Christmas to each of you who read these words and were touched by the acts of service you did for us or for others. All of the best for 2009!
Please take a moment to log onto our blog and read about our incredible children and how they make the gift of Christmas come alive for us. Unfortunately, space limitations forced us to either edit or leave their accomplishments out of this newsletter. Our hope is that you will be so intrigued that you will want the full story, only to be found on our blog: www.baxterfamilyvienna.blogspot.com
With great love for you all,
Robert, Holly, Alexander, Max, Daniel, Rosie, Shasta (the Golden Retriever) and Roxy (our new rescue dog, terrier-mix)
What we really wanted to convey to everyone was that it has been a wonderful year for us and for our children. Even though there have been trials, joy seems to keep tipping the scale and we end up with smiles wiping away our tears. We are so grateful to be able to say that. It has been a tough year for all of us. In many ways, Robert and I have clung to each other as if on a life-boat in the rough waters, but each morning we awaken to our children's faces and our dogs excitedly greeting us ...and the waters dry and we are left to feel the Son --drying and energizing us once again.
We pray and pray that Holly will be given more time. Time to raise our children, to fill her husband's life with all the things she promised to do so many years ago, to watch all her children grow and serve missions to spread the Lord's Word,get married, have children themselves. To grow old (okay, older) with her husband and spend some years serving after having been served so many years.
However, after each of those prayers which we echo each night, we must always end with "thy will be done". Those must be the hardest words to say, but we mean them and we know that if the Lord's Will is done, then everything will be alright and that is the most important thing.
We have come to know and love so many during this last year. So many good, kind people - people who hardly knew us, or knew us not at all but were willing to help. We have been warmed by their love and generosity and we have been humbled by their sacrifices.
Once again, we have reflected on how blessed we are to have been of goodly parents - our parents have supported us in so many ways. We are so grateful for our family, friends, all of you.
Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to All!!
Here is part TWO of our newsletter:
Children’s Christmas Letter 2008
Alexander
Alexander has shown a motivation previously unknown to his family. He gets up each morning at 5:30am to go to Seminary and returns home around 7am to start school. He works hard all day at school and then works hard in the afternoon to get chores done and to take care of mom (especially at making those Reliv shakes she needs so much) and to watch Rosie whenever Mom needs a break. He set his mind to getting healthy and he has lost 30 lbs and is just looking and feeling wonderful. Both Alexander and Daniel took a very interesting class this year; a six week look into two of Shakespeare’s works; Hamlet and Othello. Alexander has begun writing music/lyrics/poetry and other than that, Alexander’s true love, Pokemon, still resides with him. He tries to go to his Saturday league whenever possible and to take part in any competitions that are within driving distance. However, mom’s illness, the family’s busy schedule, and the high gas prices put a big dent in his plans and he certainly didn’t get to go as often as he wanted. We hope in 2009 we’ll be able to cater a little more to his love of Pokemon. He is maintaining a GPA of 3.74
Max
It has been a very difficult year for Max. Since June he has been living in a Residential Treatment Facility (RTF). It was a hard decision to say the least but we finally had to accept that we couldn’t help him any more – we just don’t have the special skills necessary to deal with a child who is in as much pain as he is. Recently we have started family therapy, including Horse Therapy (which we all love) and we think we can see him advancing. He wants to come home, but just can’t stay on track long enough to make the next step sometimes. Anyway, despite some setbacks, we think he may be ready to come home in February. That is our hope. Of course, there will still be lots of counseling and we will still need lots of help (and prayers), but at least he will be here with us, his family. He has gotten huge this year, growing about 4 inches and gaining about 30 lbs! Both he and Alexander are now wearing glasses and they both look even more mature with glasses. Max got a PSP (an electronic gaming device) for his birthday and it is really helping him to fill the empty hours he has at the RTF, he has also started doing puzzles and turning to art to help him through the hard times. We are really pleased that he is finding some constructive uses for his time as that was always a problem with him – he just didn’t like doing anything and was always bored.
Daniel
This year Daniel has been busier than ever and he has become so much more mature and helpful than we could have imagined. He is just a whirlwind of activity, getting up early every morning to work at school for about 5-8 hours per day and then working like a crazy man to clean house, and see if I need anything or if he can help with anything else. He is the one person who manages to keep a smile on his face most of the day, no matter the stress level going on around him. We have managed (he, Alexander and Holly) to do scripture study most mornings together and it is in part due to Daniel’s reminders that we keep getting the important things in. He still loves Scouts and has become something of a master camper taking a camping trip around once a month and always getting rave reviews from his Scout leaders who seem to truly enjoy his company and his way of always helping out. In Scout Camp this summer he managed to get 5 badges in one week! In school he is carrying about a 3.7 GPA –not bad!
Rosie
There is so much to say about this sweet little girl, but we do get lots of info about her on our blog so we hope everyone will read it from time to time. Holly hasn’t been too great about keeping it updated, but whenever she feels well, she jumps onto the internet to post a few photos or type in a paragraph or two. Rosie has a love of life that keeps us all going, we have found laughter and joy everyday through her and this has even been on the days when we couldn’t have imagined laughing. Again, we have to thank the Lord for bringing her into our lives.
Here is the rest of our newsletter:
Christmas 2008
Merry Christmas Everyone. We are all doing well. As with each of you, sometimes we take things day to day and sometimes we struggle but all in all we are doing well; living well, finding joy in life and in each other and looking forward to pulling all the loose ends together in 2009.
Judy
Holly’s mom moved out in November and though it is still weird having her gone, we are glad that she is living only 30 minutes away. She is still close enough to help us out with our unending needs but still have her own space. We must admit that our home is very tiny and her section of it was just a little bedroom. She got an apartment much closer to work and we hope she is enjoying her privacy and freedom! We think she has cut about 11/2 hours off her commute! Other than that she is expanding her skills and interests in weaving and has created some beautiful works of art this year through knitting, weaving and she is even making and dying her own yarn. Kudos for keeping Education at the forefront of her life!
Robert
Robert continues working long hard days. His office has been very accommodating in letting him take time off when needed to help Holly with her many trips to the doctor. He keeps very busy between work and his church obligations. He is still a Counselor to the High Priest Group leader and has been pretty active with meetings and duties there. He also keeps busy trying to keep our little house from falling apart and throws in the odd nail or screw or mows the lawn or rakes the leaves or redoes all the things he has just completed from his last “Honey-Do” list. In the leftover time, he likes to enjoy life with his wife or one or more of his many, many children. Though only 4 live with him now, the other 4 are never far from his thoughts or actions as he tries to track them down by phone or email to see how they are doing.
Holly
Holly’s work has become as varied as her health. She is either running around going to doctor appointments and doing errands or she is laid flat out in bed doing absolutely nothing! It is up and down and we still don’t know what to expect or when, but some days are really good and some are really, really bad. The good news for 2008 though has been the supplement that Holly has begun taking. “Reliv” has certainly helped her by pumping up her immune system and keeping her feeling better than she otherwise would have. Since starting on the Reliv regime she has not been in the hospital once and that is probably the biggest blessing. She still awakes every morning and feels a great sense of gratitude for all that she has. In every trial there is joy and she is so glad to have the Lord with her in this journey.
You
Your thoughts and prayers have meant everything to us this year. There have been times in the past where we’ve pled for your love and support, but in 2008, we were begging for your prayers and we felt them and were uplifted by them. Through all the trials we found joy, behind black clouds we found silver linings and in facing our fears we found the Lord, always waiting for us to come back and be strengthened by our faith. When we were weak, we found our friends and family; ready to pray, hold our hands, feed us dinner, or drive our children to and fro. Each one of you has created an opportunity in our lives – in spaces where we just couldn’t do it ourselves. Thank you, thank you so much for loving this family by visiting us, emailing or calling us, for giving Alexander and Daniel rides so we could visit with Max. Can you ever realize how important each of those gifts was to us? This is the gift of Christmas. May you too be comforted and uplifted by this gift. Merry Christmas to each of you who read these words and were touched by the acts of service you did for us or for others. All of the best for 2009!
Please take a moment to log onto our blog and read about our incredible children and how they make the gift of Christmas come alive for us. Unfortunately, space limitations forced us to either edit or leave their accomplishments out of this newsletter. Our hope is that you will be so intrigued that you will want the full story, only to be found on our blog: www.baxterfamilyvienna.blogspot.com
With great love for you all,
Robert, Holly, Alexander, Max, Daniel, Rosie, Shasta (the Golden Retriever) and Roxy (our new rescue dog, terrier-mix)
Tuesday, October 14, 2008
Sunday, September 21, 2008
Max
Max is doing really well. He had a break down while we were on vacation and one when we got back. These break downs have been really destructive and he has to be put in a hold. He loses "points" which are an important part of his advancement and earning priviledges.
The last couple weeks he seems to have realized that he is hurting himself with these weird episodes and he has really buckled down and is earning his points everyday and is trying hard with the counselors etc.
We have been very blessed the last month or so to have met people who have also had to put their children in one of these Residential Treatment Facilities or RTFs. We have heard only good things like, "It was a hard year, but she came out of it with a positive attitude" or "Yes, we had a couple of rocky years afterwards but he is married and has a family and a good job" etc. These comments from people who've been here have done a lot to cheer and uplift me. It is hard being without one's child. I miss him. When I go to visit him it feels weird and unnatural. It is like "they" are his family now. It is just weird.
In so many ways, I can't wait till he comes home and in many ways I'm terrified of the time when he does. He will start to earn passes soon and he'll be able to go out with us for a few hours. We are hoping that by Nov, he will have earned enough for a 6 or 8 hr pass to come home for Thanksgiving and that he will be able to spend Christmas day with us. He is working really hard right now to get a pass for his birthday (Oct 26th) so that he'll be able to go out with us for the day. I hope and am praying he will be able to do it, if he doesn't I think it'll be a big set back emotionally for him.
We knew there would be dangers in putting him in a place where there are a lot of children with really bad problems. His language has gotten really bad (though he never swears in front of us, thankfully!). If he ever had a testimony of the Gospel, he doesn't anymore. In fact, he complained to his counselor that he doesn't believe in the things we believe in and that because of our beliefs we have unrealistic expectations of him. He has also picked up lots of lingo and language - it is almost like prison language. Maybe it is just institutional language, but he has been nothing but wonderful and polite whenever we visit him.
He is allowed to call twice a week and he does always call and doesn't want to hang up when we are talking. A couple of times he has called and started crying (once when we were on vacation) and begging to come home. Telling me that it is worse than the orphange there and that he is only learning bad things because the kids are so bad and try to solve their problems through fist fights etc. These calls are heart wrenching and sometimes I do just feel like driving up there and yanking him out. I know it would be a mistake though. In fact, the more they work with him there, the more they discover that his problems are even deeper and more complex then we originally thought.
Sometimes I could just scream, knowing that for the most part, uncaring and uneducated adults did this to him. For the most part, it isn't his fault. But, when I calm down, I know that he chose us as much as we chose him. We are his parents - that is eternal - and we are the ones to give him love, a home, and to teach and raise him up to be a good citizen, to be useful and helpful and to treat others with respect. It is a big job, but we are up for it - we know it.
The last couple weeks he seems to have realized that he is hurting himself with these weird episodes and he has really buckled down and is earning his points everyday and is trying hard with the counselors etc.
We have been very blessed the last month or so to have met people who have also had to put their children in one of these Residential Treatment Facilities or RTFs. We have heard only good things like, "It was a hard year, but she came out of it with a positive attitude" or "Yes, we had a couple of rocky years afterwards but he is married and has a family and a good job" etc. These comments from people who've been here have done a lot to cheer and uplift me. It is hard being without one's child. I miss him. When I go to visit him it feels weird and unnatural. It is like "they" are his family now. It is just weird.
In so many ways, I can't wait till he comes home and in many ways I'm terrified of the time when he does. He will start to earn passes soon and he'll be able to go out with us for a few hours. We are hoping that by Nov, he will have earned enough for a 6 or 8 hr pass to come home for Thanksgiving and that he will be able to spend Christmas day with us. He is working really hard right now to get a pass for his birthday (Oct 26th) so that he'll be able to go out with us for the day. I hope and am praying he will be able to do it, if he doesn't I think it'll be a big set back emotionally for him.
We knew there would be dangers in putting him in a place where there are a lot of children with really bad problems. His language has gotten really bad (though he never swears in front of us, thankfully!). If he ever had a testimony of the Gospel, he doesn't anymore. In fact, he complained to his counselor that he doesn't believe in the things we believe in and that because of our beliefs we have unrealistic expectations of him. He has also picked up lots of lingo and language - it is almost like prison language. Maybe it is just institutional language, but he has been nothing but wonderful and polite whenever we visit him.
He is allowed to call twice a week and he does always call and doesn't want to hang up when we are talking. A couple of times he has called and started crying (once when we were on vacation) and begging to come home. Telling me that it is worse than the orphange there and that he is only learning bad things because the kids are so bad and try to solve their problems through fist fights etc. These calls are heart wrenching and sometimes I do just feel like driving up there and yanking him out. I know it would be a mistake though. In fact, the more they work with him there, the more they discover that his problems are even deeper and more complex then we originally thought.
Sometimes I could just scream, knowing that for the most part, uncaring and uneducated adults did this to him. For the most part, it isn't his fault. But, when I calm down, I know that he chose us as much as we chose him. We are his parents - that is eternal - and we are the ones to give him love, a home, and to teach and raise him up to be a good citizen, to be useful and helpful and to treat others with respect. It is a big job, but we are up for it - we know it.
Saturday, September 20, 2008
Vacation
This was such a big deal. We could have never done this without 1) enough frequent flyers for everyone 2) the generousity of family who let us stay with them and 2 special family members who paid for us to stay in a hotel while in No. CA 3) The generosity of a sister/in-law who let us use her car the whole time we were in UT 4) The generosity of family who paid our entrance fee to many places, fed us, and did lots of things to relieve the financial pressure 5)The Walk-A - Thon my friends in Vienna held for me. The money really wasn't for us to take a vacation. It was for medical costs etc., but this trip went to my health and well-being and we did save a portion of those funds raised for us, to use for our trip. How can I thank all those people for helping us so much?? 6)A credit card ( I know that doesn't count as 'free', but sometimes 'deferment' is great too! Despite all of the help we had, we still ended up adding a big chunk to our CC, but there are times in life when we have to do important things and deal with the financial consequences later. I have no doubt this was one of those times.
Why was this trip so important? There are so many reasons on so many levels for me, but one of the things deep in my heart, was a desire for my children to see and be reminded of how much family they have, of how many people love them and are there for them and pray for them. Part of this was introducing them to my brother whom Alexander hasn't seen since he was 2. I haven't seen him since then either - 12 yrs! My brother now has two little girls - more Rosie's age, but the boys had a blast with them too and it was just such an enjoyable visit. I got to renew, reminice etc with my brother and his wife and I also got to know their children a little bit. It was important for the boys too - especially Alexander to get to know their Uncle. Up till now they've only had Uncles on Robert's side.
We also got to visit my other brother - stepbrother technically - in Las Vegas. I haven't seen him in 12 years either. He and his wife and 2 children (more the boys' ages) have just lived too far away whenever I come home to visit and it was so good to spend time with them and try to catch up on 12 years of comings and goings.
We got to see all our family except for one cousin on my side and two sisters on Roberts side (they are in other states). We saw children, grandchildren, parents, grandmas and grandpas, aunts, uncles, cousins, nieces, nephews etc and we even got to visit friends. (I'm just talking about my family and Robert's immediate family here - if we visited all of Robert's uncles and aunts and cousins it would take years!)
We had a little reunion with 3 of the families we traveled to China with. It was so fun to see their girls and how much they had changed in the year and a half since we got back with Rosie. Rosie was actually the most babyish of the group, with the other girls speaking quite a bit more than she does and she was the only one in diapers, but she is the youngest so we aren't too worried. It was great to get together with these families - we actually grew kind of close to them during those couple weeks in China-- maybe because it was such an exciting and emotional journy and we really shared our thoughts during that brief time, it was just wonderful to re-connect with them and see how they've grown by having these little Chinese princesses changing their lives.
We had a little downtime to swim in the pool in our hotel in St. George and my cousin met us there with her two daughters and that was a blast too - just hanging out in the pool and talking. In a way, I wish we could have done that everyday with everyone we visited, but it was just impossible. We needed to see everyone -- I had an almost compulsion or force driving me before we left and telling me that we needed to visit everyone. In retrospect, I feel part of this was my need to say "good-bye" to everyone. Before we left, I just knew I'd never be back West again. I knew that for most of those people, I'd never see them again. Afterall, the doctors only give me less than another year to live and that is what the statistics say too. After we'd leave each person or family, I'd feel an almost depression drape over me as I mentally said my final good-byes to them.
I don't want it to sound like I was depressed for the whole trip because I certainly wasn't. I had a great time. I was healthy and energetic every single day. I felt good and looked forward to each person we visited. It was just something I'd go through at every good-bye or even when we left Utah, it felt as if my heart were breaking - knowing I'd never be back, never see those mountains again or hug those people again. When we left California, my grandma and Ken came to say good-bye in the morning before we left for the airport. I lost it and just couldn't stop crying. I couldn't imagine never seeing them again. I couldn't imagine never being in my home town again. There are a lot of people I love in CA and that is where my roots are. It was really hard to leave with that feeling that it was my last visit.
I have to say that since we've arrived back in VA, I've had a 100% turn around. I've realized that I've focused too much on dying and just not enough on living. To be fair to myself (and Heaven knows I always want to be fair to myself) part of that was just being so sick and sleeping so much, of course, I'm going to focus on dying...it is hard to be positive when I'm vomitting all over the place. I am now trying to focus on being energetic, healing myself, even doing visualization - like envisioning the chemo knocking out those cancer cells. Living and focusing on life. I know I'll be back. Utah, California, who knows maybe even some other states out west. I do miss the west so much, the weather, the people, the lifestyle, our families. But, I now KNOW that I'll be back. I'm feeling better every day. The Reliv is helping, your prayers are helping, my family's love is helping, my friends are helping, my husband is always helping (o.k., technically he is family, but he deserves another mention), The Lord is always here for me.
It is complicated to explain probably because it is complicated to understand. So many people have this awful disease. So many die from it. Some do live though. Some live. Some live and even conquer cancer. Surely the Lord loves each one of His children equally, right? I guess that is how my ideas have kind of evolved to what I explained in my last post. The Lord Helps Those Who Help Themselves. I have decided that that is my job, my responsibility - to give thanks, to live life to the fullest, to enjoy, to serve and to show my gratitude, to take care of the temple He has given me. I must confess that after I had Breast Cancer the first time, I went right back to my evil ways - eating that which was not good for me, not exercizing enough, beyond that though -- inviting too much stress into my life, stressing over things that didn't need that level of my concern and attention, biting off more than I could chew, running faster than I could manage. Doing all the things that many of us do, but which we all know we shouldn't be doing. I'm not going to do it this time. Sure, I'm still going to have the occasional piece of cheesecake - otherwise I'd be violating the law about enjoying life, right?
Back to our vacation -- it was marvelous. The boys had a great time and Rosie had so much fun meeting all her cousins and getting to play with children everywhere we went. What could be better. Of course, it was sad that Max wasn't there, but I was at peace with the decisions we'd made and that he was in the place he needs to be so that next time we go out West, he can be with us and it can be a positive experience for him and for all of us too.
Why was this trip so important? There are so many reasons on so many levels for me, but one of the things deep in my heart, was a desire for my children to see and be reminded of how much family they have, of how many people love them and are there for them and pray for them. Part of this was introducing them to my brother whom Alexander hasn't seen since he was 2. I haven't seen him since then either - 12 yrs! My brother now has two little girls - more Rosie's age, but the boys had a blast with them too and it was just such an enjoyable visit. I got to renew, reminice etc with my brother and his wife and I also got to know their children a little bit. It was important for the boys too - especially Alexander to get to know their Uncle. Up till now they've only had Uncles on Robert's side.
We also got to visit my other brother - stepbrother technically - in Las Vegas. I haven't seen him in 12 years either. He and his wife and 2 children (more the boys' ages) have just lived too far away whenever I come home to visit and it was so good to spend time with them and try to catch up on 12 years of comings and goings.
We got to see all our family except for one cousin on my side and two sisters on Roberts side (they are in other states). We saw children, grandchildren, parents, grandmas and grandpas, aunts, uncles, cousins, nieces, nephews etc and we even got to visit friends. (I'm just talking about my family and Robert's immediate family here - if we visited all of Robert's uncles and aunts and cousins it would take years!)
We had a little reunion with 3 of the families we traveled to China with. It was so fun to see their girls and how much they had changed in the year and a half since we got back with Rosie. Rosie was actually the most babyish of the group, with the other girls speaking quite a bit more than she does and she was the only one in diapers, but she is the youngest so we aren't too worried. It was great to get together with these families - we actually grew kind of close to them during those couple weeks in China-- maybe because it was such an exciting and emotional journy and we really shared our thoughts during that brief time, it was just wonderful to re-connect with them and see how they've grown by having these little Chinese princesses changing their lives.
We had a little downtime to swim in the pool in our hotel in St. George and my cousin met us there with her two daughters and that was a blast too - just hanging out in the pool and talking. In a way, I wish we could have done that everyday with everyone we visited, but it was just impossible. We needed to see everyone -- I had an almost compulsion or force driving me before we left and telling me that we needed to visit everyone. In retrospect, I feel part of this was my need to say "good-bye" to everyone. Before we left, I just knew I'd never be back West again. I knew that for most of those people, I'd never see them again. Afterall, the doctors only give me less than another year to live and that is what the statistics say too. After we'd leave each person or family, I'd feel an almost depression drape over me as I mentally said my final good-byes to them.
I don't want it to sound like I was depressed for the whole trip because I certainly wasn't. I had a great time. I was healthy and energetic every single day. I felt good and looked forward to each person we visited. It was just something I'd go through at every good-bye or even when we left Utah, it felt as if my heart were breaking - knowing I'd never be back, never see those mountains again or hug those people again. When we left California, my grandma and Ken came to say good-bye in the morning before we left for the airport. I lost it and just couldn't stop crying. I couldn't imagine never seeing them again. I couldn't imagine never being in my home town again. There are a lot of people I love in CA and that is where my roots are. It was really hard to leave with that feeling that it was my last visit.
I have to say that since we've arrived back in VA, I've had a 100% turn around. I've realized that I've focused too much on dying and just not enough on living. To be fair to myself (and Heaven knows I always want to be fair to myself) part of that was just being so sick and sleeping so much, of course, I'm going to focus on dying...it is hard to be positive when I'm vomitting all over the place. I am now trying to focus on being energetic, healing myself, even doing visualization - like envisioning the chemo knocking out those cancer cells. Living and focusing on life. I know I'll be back. Utah, California, who knows maybe even some other states out west. I do miss the west so much, the weather, the people, the lifestyle, our families. But, I now KNOW that I'll be back. I'm feeling better every day. The Reliv is helping, your prayers are helping, my family's love is helping, my friends are helping, my husband is always helping (o.k., technically he is family, but he deserves another mention), The Lord is always here for me.
It is complicated to explain probably because it is complicated to understand. So many people have this awful disease. So many die from it. Some do live though. Some live. Some live and even conquer cancer. Surely the Lord loves each one of His children equally, right? I guess that is how my ideas have kind of evolved to what I explained in my last post. The Lord Helps Those Who Help Themselves. I have decided that that is my job, my responsibility - to give thanks, to live life to the fullest, to enjoy, to serve and to show my gratitude, to take care of the temple He has given me. I must confess that after I had Breast Cancer the first time, I went right back to my evil ways - eating that which was not good for me, not exercizing enough, beyond that though -- inviting too much stress into my life, stressing over things that didn't need that level of my concern and attention, biting off more than I could chew, running faster than I could manage. Doing all the things that many of us do, but which we all know we shouldn't be doing. I'm not going to do it this time. Sure, I'm still going to have the occasional piece of cheesecake - otherwise I'd be violating the law about enjoying life, right?
Back to our vacation -- it was marvelous. The boys had a great time and Rosie had so much fun meeting all her cousins and getting to play with children everywhere we went. What could be better. Of course, it was sad that Max wasn't there, but I was at peace with the decisions we'd made and that he was in the place he needs to be so that next time we go out West, he can be with us and it can be a positive experience for him and for all of us too.
I'm Back...
It is with great trepidation that I pulled up our Blog today. My, it has been so long since I've updated or visited here, I'm a little afraid of all the info I need to plug in. I've started to get complaints from friends, so I'll do my best to let everyone know what is going on with the Baxters these days.
Our vacation was wonderful. It was no less than fantastic. Somehow I was healthy and felt good for the whole 2 weeks. I must say I attribute this first to the Lord; He knew how important this trip was to me - it was so much more than a vacation and I definitely must say that I felt His uplifting hand many times when I started to feel tired or my tummy started to feel "chemo-y".
Secondly, I attribute my good health and overall well being to my new nutrition regime. About a week before we left for vacation, I started on a product called "re-liv" (which for me was quite aptly named). They are nutrition shakes which I am trying to drink several times per day to flood my body with vitamins and minerals. Sometimes I only get one in per day, but I'm shooting for 2-3 per day to really beef up my immune system - well, to try to get it healthy and maybe get to the point of beefing it up. I am a bit stunned at how much this product is helping me. I recovered from chemo much quicker than usual this time and actually skipped some of the worst steps altogether. I will talk about this more later. I think I'm going to start a health link so I can keep track of my tumor markers etc better, so I will document there if reliv is really helping me or if I'm just experiencing a placebo effect - either way, I'm happy.
Truthfully, I believe it is a combination of the nutrients etc and the Lord. I believe in Miracles - no doubt about it, they are happening everyday. My thought though, is that the Lord prefers to use our environment to create His miracles. He could, of course, just heal me now, zap all the tumors, get rid of the nasty cancer cells, etc. He does do this sometimes, but I've found that He likes us to try all we can ourselves and then He likes to use those tools we give Him from our own trials and attempts to help ourselves.
For example, I've been reading a lot about people who have survived Cancer. When I was in CA, a friend of my dad's gave me these great books by Greg Anderson. He was diagnosed with metasticized lung cancer in 1984 and given 30 days to live. He sunk into a depression and prepared to die and as he was slowly dying he decided he didn't want to die. He began to seek out survivors to see what they had done. It is a great book and he is still alive today. His basic message is; decide to live, cancer is a message to make a change in your life - heed the message and make the changes. Be positive, be spiritual, love yourself and your neighbors, eat better, exercize more, take nutritional supplements and drink more water (he says all cancer patients are dehydrated) do all the conventional things that conventional medicine advises - but be sure you believe in your doctors and in the regime they recommend for you. Once you have a plan - believe in it and everyday make the most of your life - be positive, be cheerful, laugh, love, forgive and stay very close to God.
It is nothing earth shaking or new, but by 1989 he was cancer-free and has been ever since. Wow. I can do that and I've been trying my best. There is more to it, of course, but in reading the books and starting to practice these things, I give the Lord tools to heal me. Does that make sense? In taking the shakes and flooding my body with nutrients, I'm giving the Lord tools to naturally heal and repair my immune system to fight off the cancer. I'm not saying the Lord needs these tools - I'm saying, I think He likes them. I think He wants me to work hard to repair myself - to show Him that I want to live and that I believe He can heal me. I'm also showing Him that I know my body is a Temple - an amazing temple that can create life, that can repair itself from disease and viruses, a temple that could only have been created by Him.
I you have ever been ill or never want to be, or if you or anyone you know or love has ever had cancer, read his books. Greg Anderson, Cancer Conquerer, 50 Things To Do When The Doctor Says It's Cancer, and the all around, non-specific, The 26 Non-Negotiable Laws of Good Health (okay, I'm not too sure of the title on that one, but if you check it out on Amazon you'll find it). He has other books too and he has a website, www.cancerrecovery.org it is worth checking out.
Also, I think this reliv is going to be worth checking out. As I said, I'm going to be documenting my recovery and side effects of the chemo etc and see how it goes. One of the first things I can already say is that I have been able to stop taking some of my medications. I do take medications for the pain - that is necessary at this point for me to be able to move at all. Unfortunately, the pain medication makes me very sleepy. I started taking some meds to keep me awake, and they worked great in the beginning but after a few weeks, they started to wear off. Eventually, I was back to sleeping for several hours every afternoon again. The doctor put me on Ritalin and that was the only way I could stay awake. It made me edgy and gave me a headache, but hey, I can't spend hours sleeping during the day - I'm home schooling my kids and I have a 3 yr old - I need ENERGY!
Well, the good news with this reliv is it gives me ENERGY - yeah! I can't say how important that is to me. I've been able to stop the Ritalin (which I not only hated, but it cost about $100 per month - and that is just the co-pay). So, I'm pretty thrilled with it so far.
Here is an overview of how each month usually goes for me:
I have chemo. I feel okay on Chemo Day and on Day 2 and Day 3. I usually wake up on Day 4 vomiting and with diahhrea. I spend 7-12 days unable to get out of bed except to run to the toilet. I keep a vomit bucket nearby and I vomit a lot. I do not eat or drink anything for 4-7 days. I get sicker and sicker and go to the E.R. at least once to get rehydrated, sometimes I am in such bad condition, I get admitted to the hospital for a couple days. During this 7-14 day period, I usually can't talk or interact with my family (or anyone else) because it makes me vomit. Basically, I spend the whole time trying not to vomit. It is truly awful. Around Day 10 - 14, I wake up and feel better. I'm able to eat normally and can get some fluids down. The next day, I wake up with mouth sores. These get worse and worse for 3-5 days. Eating and drinking is painful and just unpleasant. Talking hurts, brushing my teeth is miserable. Around Day 20 my mouth starts to feel better. I can eat and drink normally, but water still makes me nauseated. I have about 10 pretty good days until I have chemo again and start the whole thing all over.
It isn't the end of the world by any means, but it is lots of days when I don't get to be a part of life - I don't have any idea what is happening with my family, the boys take care of Rosie and everything else and it is a blur until it is over. I don't remember anything anyone tells me from this time. I do treasure the 10-14 good days I have at the end of the month and I am very grateful that the chemo seems to be keeping the cancer from spreading. I'm not really much worse that I was when I got diagnosed (from what we can tell). When we see the results for the CAT scans/ MRIs/Bone Scans etc, it seems to us that my body is in about the same condition as it was a year and a half ago. Not too bad.
Anyway, this month, after being on the reliv for about 2 and a half weeks, we noticed a huge, huge difference in the chemo. It hit me on Day 4 and I was only in bed about 4 days. I was still really weak and tired but I was able to come downstairs everyday after that. Granted, much of the time I was asleep on the couch for Days 7-10, but I was able to Eat and Drink every single day - even the days I was in bed. No E.R. By day 7 I was able to attend Max's meetings - yes, I was weak and tired but I was up and about and most of all, I was able to eat and drink and I never vomitted once. Again, I attribute this to the Lord and to the Reliv. I will keep you aprised of how things develop next month. I'm pretty excited though.
When we got back from vacation, we made another decision that we'd been considering the last couple months. I changed my oncologist. I have been going to Georgetown since my original diagnosis in 2000 and I've always felt confident in the care I've received. It is a renowned Hospital and a teaching hospital that has a huge emphasis on Cancer - the Lombardi Cancer Center is cutting edge and has all the best/latest and greatest technology.
The problem was for me, I realized, I was just along for the ride. As a patient, I wasn't really considered as a decision maker. My doctor was very smart and definitely knows everything about chemo, but I didn't feel like she had time for me. I only got to see her once a month before my chemo and she wouldn't spend more than about 5 minutes with me (literally). When I would ask her about lots of problems I was having, she always attributed them to something else (even though I knew it was from the chemo) and she would refer me to other doctors. You know, when you have cancer and are on chemo, other doctors don't want to see you, they always say, well, what did your oncologist say? It was very frustrating. Anyway, my mom found a brand new cancer center that is about 1/2 hour away from our home, compared to the 1 1/2 getting to Georgetown, the hassels with traffic and parking etc and the hassles with getting around a huge hospital - it was just exhausting. I really like my new oncologist and feel comfortable and confident and feel like I will be a part of my treatment options. That is a good feeling and I'm excited to get started with her.
I went on and on about me and my health again so I'll start a new post to talk a little about our vacation and tell everyone about how Max is doing. As always, thank you to all of you who actually read this blog and care about the development of me and my family. Your thoughts and prayers are invaluable and when I said that I actually felt the involvement of the Lord during our vacation - that is because of prayer, I know it. Your prayers are helping me so much and they are telling the Lord that I matter to you, I wish I had a better way to say Thank You, but I do say Thank You, keep thinking positive thoughts too.
Our vacation was wonderful. It was no less than fantastic. Somehow I was healthy and felt good for the whole 2 weeks. I must say I attribute this first to the Lord; He knew how important this trip was to me - it was so much more than a vacation and I definitely must say that I felt His uplifting hand many times when I started to feel tired or my tummy started to feel "chemo-y".
Secondly, I attribute my good health and overall well being to my new nutrition regime. About a week before we left for vacation, I started on a product called "re-liv" (which for me was quite aptly named). They are nutrition shakes which I am trying to drink several times per day to flood my body with vitamins and minerals. Sometimes I only get one in per day, but I'm shooting for 2-3 per day to really beef up my immune system - well, to try to get it healthy and maybe get to the point of beefing it up. I am a bit stunned at how much this product is helping me. I recovered from chemo much quicker than usual this time and actually skipped some of the worst steps altogether. I will talk about this more later. I think I'm going to start a health link so I can keep track of my tumor markers etc better, so I will document there if reliv is really helping me or if I'm just experiencing a placebo effect - either way, I'm happy.
Truthfully, I believe it is a combination of the nutrients etc and the Lord. I believe in Miracles - no doubt about it, they are happening everyday. My thought though, is that the Lord prefers to use our environment to create His miracles. He could, of course, just heal me now, zap all the tumors, get rid of the nasty cancer cells, etc. He does do this sometimes, but I've found that He likes us to try all we can ourselves and then He likes to use those tools we give Him from our own trials and attempts to help ourselves.
For example, I've been reading a lot about people who have survived Cancer. When I was in CA, a friend of my dad's gave me these great books by Greg Anderson. He was diagnosed with metasticized lung cancer in 1984 and given 30 days to live. He sunk into a depression and prepared to die and as he was slowly dying he decided he didn't want to die. He began to seek out survivors to see what they had done. It is a great book and he is still alive today. His basic message is; decide to live, cancer is a message to make a change in your life - heed the message and make the changes. Be positive, be spiritual, love yourself and your neighbors, eat better, exercize more, take nutritional supplements and drink more water (he says all cancer patients are dehydrated) do all the conventional things that conventional medicine advises - but be sure you believe in your doctors and in the regime they recommend for you. Once you have a plan - believe in it and everyday make the most of your life - be positive, be cheerful, laugh, love, forgive and stay very close to God.
It is nothing earth shaking or new, but by 1989 he was cancer-free and has been ever since. Wow. I can do that and I've been trying my best. There is more to it, of course, but in reading the books and starting to practice these things, I give the Lord tools to heal me. Does that make sense? In taking the shakes and flooding my body with nutrients, I'm giving the Lord tools to naturally heal and repair my immune system to fight off the cancer. I'm not saying the Lord needs these tools - I'm saying, I think He likes them. I think He wants me to work hard to repair myself - to show Him that I want to live and that I believe He can heal me. I'm also showing Him that I know my body is a Temple - an amazing temple that can create life, that can repair itself from disease and viruses, a temple that could only have been created by Him.
I you have ever been ill or never want to be, or if you or anyone you know or love has ever had cancer, read his books. Greg Anderson, Cancer Conquerer, 50 Things To Do When The Doctor Says It's Cancer, and the all around, non-specific, The 26 Non-Negotiable Laws of Good Health (okay, I'm not too sure of the title on that one, but if you check it out on Amazon you'll find it). He has other books too and he has a website, www.cancerrecovery.org it is worth checking out.
Also, I think this reliv is going to be worth checking out. As I said, I'm going to be documenting my recovery and side effects of the chemo etc and see how it goes. One of the first things I can already say is that I have been able to stop taking some of my medications. I do take medications for the pain - that is necessary at this point for me to be able to move at all. Unfortunately, the pain medication makes me very sleepy. I started taking some meds to keep me awake, and they worked great in the beginning but after a few weeks, they started to wear off. Eventually, I was back to sleeping for several hours every afternoon again. The doctor put me on Ritalin and that was the only way I could stay awake. It made me edgy and gave me a headache, but hey, I can't spend hours sleeping during the day - I'm home schooling my kids and I have a 3 yr old - I need ENERGY!
Well, the good news with this reliv is it gives me ENERGY - yeah! I can't say how important that is to me. I've been able to stop the Ritalin (which I not only hated, but it cost about $100 per month - and that is just the co-pay). So, I'm pretty thrilled with it so far.
Here is an overview of how each month usually goes for me:
I have chemo. I feel okay on Chemo Day and on Day 2 and Day 3. I usually wake up on Day 4 vomiting and with diahhrea. I spend 7-12 days unable to get out of bed except to run to the toilet. I keep a vomit bucket nearby and I vomit a lot. I do not eat or drink anything for 4-7 days. I get sicker and sicker and go to the E.R. at least once to get rehydrated, sometimes I am in such bad condition, I get admitted to the hospital for a couple days. During this 7-14 day period, I usually can't talk or interact with my family (or anyone else) because it makes me vomit. Basically, I spend the whole time trying not to vomit. It is truly awful. Around Day 10 - 14, I wake up and feel better. I'm able to eat normally and can get some fluids down. The next day, I wake up with mouth sores. These get worse and worse for 3-5 days. Eating and drinking is painful and just unpleasant. Talking hurts, brushing my teeth is miserable. Around Day 20 my mouth starts to feel better. I can eat and drink normally, but water still makes me nauseated. I have about 10 pretty good days until I have chemo again and start the whole thing all over.
It isn't the end of the world by any means, but it is lots of days when I don't get to be a part of life - I don't have any idea what is happening with my family, the boys take care of Rosie and everything else and it is a blur until it is over. I don't remember anything anyone tells me from this time. I do treasure the 10-14 good days I have at the end of the month and I am very grateful that the chemo seems to be keeping the cancer from spreading. I'm not really much worse that I was when I got diagnosed (from what we can tell). When we see the results for the CAT scans/ MRIs/Bone Scans etc, it seems to us that my body is in about the same condition as it was a year and a half ago. Not too bad.
Anyway, this month, after being on the reliv for about 2 and a half weeks, we noticed a huge, huge difference in the chemo. It hit me on Day 4 and I was only in bed about 4 days. I was still really weak and tired but I was able to come downstairs everyday after that. Granted, much of the time I was asleep on the couch for Days 7-10, but I was able to Eat and Drink every single day - even the days I was in bed. No E.R. By day 7 I was able to attend Max's meetings - yes, I was weak and tired but I was up and about and most of all, I was able to eat and drink and I never vomitted once. Again, I attribute this to the Lord and to the Reliv. I will keep you aprised of how things develop next month. I'm pretty excited though.
When we got back from vacation, we made another decision that we'd been considering the last couple months. I changed my oncologist. I have been going to Georgetown since my original diagnosis in 2000 and I've always felt confident in the care I've received. It is a renowned Hospital and a teaching hospital that has a huge emphasis on Cancer - the Lombardi Cancer Center is cutting edge and has all the best/latest and greatest technology.
The problem was for me, I realized, I was just along for the ride. As a patient, I wasn't really considered as a decision maker. My doctor was very smart and definitely knows everything about chemo, but I didn't feel like she had time for me. I only got to see her once a month before my chemo and she wouldn't spend more than about 5 minutes with me (literally). When I would ask her about lots of problems I was having, she always attributed them to something else (even though I knew it was from the chemo) and she would refer me to other doctors. You know, when you have cancer and are on chemo, other doctors don't want to see you, they always say, well, what did your oncologist say? It was very frustrating. Anyway, my mom found a brand new cancer center that is about 1/2 hour away from our home, compared to the 1 1/2 getting to Georgetown, the hassels with traffic and parking etc and the hassles with getting around a huge hospital - it was just exhausting. I really like my new oncologist and feel comfortable and confident and feel like I will be a part of my treatment options. That is a good feeling and I'm excited to get started with her.
I went on and on about me and my health again so I'll start a new post to talk a little about our vacation and tell everyone about how Max is doing. As always, thank you to all of you who actually read this blog and care about the development of me and my family. Your thoughts and prayers are invaluable and when I said that I actually felt the involvement of the Lord during our vacation - that is because of prayer, I know it. Your prayers are helping me so much and they are telling the Lord that I matter to you, I wish I had a better way to say Thank You, but I do say Thank You, keep thinking positive thoughts too.
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