I'm Back...

It is with great trepidation that I pulled up our Blog today. My, it has been so long since I've updated or visited here, I'm a little afraid of all the info I need to plug in. I've started to get complaints from friends, so I'll do my best to let everyone know what is going on with the Baxters these days.

Our vacation was wonderful. It was no less than fantastic. Somehow I was healthy and felt good for the whole 2 weeks. I must say I attribute this first to the Lord; He knew how important this trip was to me - it was so much more than a vacation and I definitely must say that I felt His uplifting hand many times when I started to feel tired or my tummy started to feel "chemo-y".

Secondly, I attribute my good health and overall well being to my new nutrition regime. About a week before we left for vacation, I started on a product called "re-liv" (which for me was quite aptly named). They are nutrition shakes which I am trying to drink several times per day to flood my body with vitamins and minerals. Sometimes I only get one in per day, but I'm shooting for 2-3 per day to really beef up my immune system - well, to try to get it healthy and maybe get to the point of beefing it up. I am a bit stunned at how much this product is helping me. I recovered from chemo much quicker than usual this time and actually skipped some of the worst steps altogether. I will talk about this more later. I think I'm going to start a health link so I can keep track of my tumor markers etc better, so I will document there if reliv is really helping me or if I'm just experiencing a placebo effect - either way, I'm happy.

Truthfully, I believe it is a combination of the nutrients etc and the Lord. I believe in Miracles - no doubt about it, they are happening everyday. My thought though, is that the Lord prefers to use our environment to create His miracles. He could, of course, just heal me now, zap all the tumors, get rid of the nasty cancer cells, etc. He does do this sometimes, but I've found that He likes us to try all we can ourselves and then He likes to use those tools we give Him from our own trials and attempts to help ourselves.

For example, I've been reading a lot about people who have survived Cancer. When I was in CA, a friend of my dad's gave me these great books by Greg Anderson. He was diagnosed with metasticized lung cancer in 1984 and given 30 days to live. He sunk into a depression and prepared to die and as he was slowly dying he decided he didn't want to die. He began to seek out survivors to see what they had done. It is a great book and he is still alive today. His basic message is; decide to live, cancer is a message to make a change in your life - heed the message and make the changes. Be positive, be spiritual, love yourself and your neighbors, eat better, exercize more, take nutritional supplements and drink more water (he says all cancer patients are dehydrated) do all the conventional things that conventional medicine advises - but be sure you believe in your doctors and in the regime they recommend for you. Once you have a plan - believe in it and everyday make the most of your life - be positive, be cheerful, laugh, love, forgive and stay very close to God.

It is nothing earth shaking or new, but by 1989 he was cancer-free and has been ever since. Wow. I can do that and I've been trying my best. There is more to it, of course, but in reading the books and starting to practice these things, I give the Lord tools to heal me. Does that make sense? In taking the shakes and flooding my body with nutrients, I'm giving the Lord tools to naturally heal and repair my immune system to fight off the cancer. I'm not saying the Lord needs these tools - I'm saying, I think He likes them. I think He wants me to work hard to repair myself - to show Him that I want to live and that I believe He can heal me. I'm also showing Him that I know my body is a Temple - an amazing temple that can create life, that can repair itself from disease and viruses, a temple that could only have been created by Him.

I you have ever been ill or never want to be, or if you or anyone you know or love has ever had cancer, read his books. Greg Anderson, Cancer Conquerer, 50 Things To Do When The Doctor Says It's Cancer, and the all around, non-specific, The 26 Non-Negotiable Laws of Good Health (okay, I'm not too sure of the title on that one, but if you check it out on Amazon you'll find it). He has other books too and he has a website, www.cancerrecovery.org it is worth checking out.

Also, I think this reliv is going to be worth checking out. As I said, I'm going to be documenting my recovery and side effects of the chemo etc and see how it goes. One of the first things I can already say is that I have been able to stop taking some of my medications. I do take medications for the pain - that is necessary at this point for me to be able to move at all. Unfortunately, the pain medication makes me very sleepy. I started taking some meds to keep me awake, and they worked great in the beginning but after a few weeks, they started to wear off. Eventually, I was back to sleeping for several hours every afternoon again. The doctor put me on Ritalin and that was the only way I could stay awake. It made me edgy and gave me a headache, but hey, I can't spend hours sleeping during the day - I'm home schooling my kids and I have a 3 yr old - I need ENERGY!

Well, the good news with this reliv is it gives me ENERGY - yeah! I can't say how important that is to me. I've been able to stop the Ritalin (which I not only hated, but it cost about $100 per month - and that is just the co-pay). So, I'm pretty thrilled with it so far.

Here is an overview of how each month usually goes for me:

I have chemo. I feel okay on Chemo Day and on Day 2 and Day 3. I usually wake up on Day 4 vomiting and with diahhrea. I spend 7-12 days unable to get out of bed except to run to the toilet. I keep a vomit bucket nearby and I vomit a lot. I do not eat or drink anything for 4-7 days. I get sicker and sicker and go to the E.R. at least once to get rehydrated, sometimes I am in such bad condition, I get admitted to the hospital for a couple days. During this 7-14 day period, I usually can't talk or interact with my family (or anyone else) because it makes me vomit. Basically, I spend the whole time trying not to vomit. It is truly awful. Around Day 10 - 14, I wake up and feel better. I'm able to eat normally and can get some fluids down. The next day, I wake up with mouth sores. These get worse and worse for 3-5 days. Eating and drinking is painful and just unpleasant. Talking hurts, brushing my teeth is miserable. Around Day 20 my mouth starts to feel better. I can eat and drink normally, but water still makes me nauseated. I have about 10 pretty good days until I have chemo again and start the whole thing all over.

It isn't the end of the world by any means, but it is lots of days when I don't get to be a part of life - I don't have any idea what is happening with my family, the boys take care of Rosie and everything else and it is a blur until it is over. I don't remember anything anyone tells me from this time. I do treasure the 10-14 good days I have at the end of the month and I am very grateful that the chemo seems to be keeping the cancer from spreading. I'm not really much worse that I was when I got diagnosed (from what we can tell). When we see the results for the CAT scans/ MRIs/Bone Scans etc, it seems to us that my body is in about the same condition as it was a year and a half ago. Not too bad.

Anyway, this month, after being on the reliv for about 2 and a half weeks, we noticed a huge, huge difference in the chemo. It hit me on Day 4 and I was only in bed about 4 days. I was still really weak and tired but I was able to come downstairs everyday after that. Granted, much of the time I was asleep on the couch for Days 7-10, but I was able to Eat and Drink every single day - even the days I was in bed. No E.R. By day 7 I was able to attend Max's meetings - yes, I was weak and tired but I was up and about and most of all, I was able to eat and drink and I never vomitted once. Again, I attribute this to the Lord and to the Reliv. I will keep you aprised of how things develop next month. I'm pretty excited though.

When we got back from vacation, we made another decision that we'd been considering the last couple months. I changed my oncologist. I have been going to Georgetown since my original diagnosis in 2000 and I've always felt confident in the care I've received. It is a renowned Hospital and a teaching hospital that has a huge emphasis on Cancer - the Lombardi Cancer Center is cutting edge and has all the best/latest and greatest technology.

The problem was for me, I realized, I was just along for the ride. As a patient, I wasn't really considered as a decision maker. My doctor was very smart and definitely knows everything about chemo, but I didn't feel like she had time for me. I only got to see her once a month before my chemo and she wouldn't spend more than about 5 minutes with me (literally). When I would ask her about lots of problems I was having, she always attributed them to something else (even though I knew it was from the chemo) and she would refer me to other doctors. You know, when you have cancer and are on chemo, other doctors don't want to see you, they always say, well, what did your oncologist say? It was very frustrating. Anyway, my mom found a brand new cancer center that is about 1/2 hour away from our home, compared to the 1 1/2 getting to Georgetown, the hassels with traffic and parking etc and the hassles with getting around a huge hospital - it was just exhausting. I really like my new oncologist and feel comfortable and confident and feel like I will be a part of my treatment options. That is a good feeling and I'm excited to get started with her.

I went on and on about me and my health again so I'll start a new post to talk a little about our vacation and tell everyone about how Max is doing. As always, thank you to all of you who actually read this blog and care about the development of me and my family. Your thoughts and prayers are invaluable and when I said that I actually felt the involvement of the Lord during our vacation - that is because of prayer, I know it. Your prayers are helping me so much and they are telling the Lord that I matter to you, I wish I had a better way to say Thank You, but I do say Thank You, keep thinking positive thoughts too.