Tuesday, April 21, 2009

Robert, Part I

Why oh why do I wait so long to update. Then, by the time I do, everybody already knows everything that is going on or the entry is so long that no one has enough time to read it. Maybe I'll do it in pieces today.

Since we came home from our big West trip and school started, we have been very busy. Most nights Robert and I fall into bed around mid-night, completely exhausted and wondering from where we'll pull our energy for the things that need to be done the next day. I don't know how he does it. He has to get up at 5:30 to take Alexander to Seminary (Scripture Study M-F, 6am-7am), he comes home gets himself ready, picks Alexander up and then goes to work, drives over an hour in rush hour traffic, and then his day begins! Poor guy! He doesn't get hime till around 6:30 pm usually and by then he just wants to plop down and do a crossword puzzle (which for some crazy reason, actually relaxes him). However, those moments of "relaxation" are rare as some child usually needs him to fix something,he has a church obligation that must be seen to, his wife needs him to do one of the million things she used to do for herself/their family, or he needs to take care of one of the million things that used to be his share of the chores, manly stuff like fixing something on the car, changing a tall lightbulb, replacing the fan belt on the vacuum cleaner, or repairing any of the plumbing, lighting, or appliances that one of our children just found too interesting during the day or forgot to assemble properly before use. Sigh. We usually have a nice dinner and then, somehow it is 10 or 11 pm, the kids are really late for bed, Rosie is running around in her diaper trying to get all of daddy's attention and he still hasn't had much of a chance to talk to his wife or do any of that relaxing he'd been thinking about all day.

Robert, as the head of the household and the money earner, spends a lot of his brainpower and nervestrength thinking about our debt. Or, should I say, Our Debt. It is a monster and try as we might to slay it, it hungers, consumes and grows larger. Okay, well, I have a lot to do with it. I am just so, so grateful that we have health insurance and that it is good insurance which pays for most of my bills, prescriptions etc. I don't want to even imagine where we'd be without it. Periodically, Robert brings home a spreadsheetk stating how much we spent the month before and how much in debt we'll be when he retires (in 3 years) if we continue to spend at that rate. Sigh. I hate for him to live worrying about this all the time, it does keep me awake too. So...if all this weren't stressful enough for this rock-solid man, it just kept coming at us.

A few weeks ago, he came with me for my doctor's appt. We were going to get the results of my latest bone and CAT Scans and I was glad that he could come with me. The doctor walked in, looked at me and said," I wish I had good news. The cancer is growing, you've got lots of new tumors, and there is growth in the bones, etc etc etc." I don't think we actually heard a lot of what she said, we were just so shocked. She told us that she had nothing else to offer me as far a chemo goes but that Georgetown or someone might have some trials/protocols running where they check new cancer drugs on people.

I got into Georgetown as quickly as I could, but even at that it took several weeks during which the evil little cancer pacmen were just cruising around in my body munching on whatever they could. I'm getting new scans on Friday to see how much damage has been done.

The goodish news is that my Doctor has come up with a treatment plan for me and I'm excited about it because when my last Doctor "released" me from her care, I kind of felt alone, well, I guess I was. But yesterday I started a new regime called "Xeloda" which is promising and they've had good results from women in my situation. So, here is my new diagnosis: 3-6 Months if I take no treatment. If I take treatment, and it works perfectly and I have no drawbacks or waiting times without treatment etc. then that would add as much as 6 months to my life. There you have it; maximum of one year. I'm trying hard not to get depressed, and have recently decided, (after a good talking to from my son Alexander who was upset with my attitude), decided that my lifespan is not up to the doctors or the medicine as much as it is between me and the Lord.

Well, that's it for now, I'm wiped out and have to hit the sack. Thank you dear loved ones for your prayers - Sometimes, I can really feel them holding me up!